Sometimes it’s hard to believe I’ve been writing in this space for almost 6 years. It’s even harder to believe many of my musings have to do with sleep and the fact that my children are allergic to it. Everyone who frequents this blog knows the issues I had with Charlotte. She was a terrible sleeper from birth and continued to be a terrible sleeper into toddlerhood and beyond, but she is actually wonderful now? It’s kind of insane to write that because I thought for SURE she would never sleep. But she does! Do I have to lay with her for 10-15 minutes until she goes to bed? You betcha. Does she still prefer to sleep with me if I let her? She sure does. But will she sleep all night in either bed, not bothering me? SHE DOES! It’s a miracle almost 6 years in the making. It’s wonderful.

ENTER MACKENZIE. Everyone told me lightning doesn’t strike twice. Ya’ll gassed me up to believe I got my bad sleeper out of the way with the horrors I went through with Charlotte. YOU ALL LIED. I rented that damn SNOO thinking it would solve all of my problems, and at first, it did! Mackenzie was sleeping 6+ hour stretches! I got her into her crib with no issues! IT WAS A GLORIOUS TIME FOR ALL. And then she turned 4 months old and ever since then we’ve slowly been descending into the drains of hell. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING??????? She was “bad” before she got a UTI. I would give anything to go back to that form of bad. She’d wake up 2 or 3 times a night but she’d go back to sleep. She’d nap 3 times a day in her crib. Now? Now she screams for over an hour in the crib to go nap for 32 minutes. Now she “cries it out” for close to 4 hours with no end in sight. Now she wakes up at 3:30 AM ready to take on the day. She is a CARBON COPY of her sister. It is literally ALL THE SAME. I’ve been awake for 2 and a half hours already and she shows no signs of even being tired. She’s currently in my lap screaming at me trying to hit the keyboard.

Now I have googled all of the things. I know she is waking up early because she isn’t getting enough daytime sleep, but how is she going to get daytime sleep when she screams for hours at a time and then only sleeps a little bit? The google tells me to leave her and let her scream. I do this, and she doesn’t give in, even days later. Google has no answers after that. Everyone says they will learn. SHE AIN’T LEARNING.

I’ve ignored her cries at night. She gets louder. She doesn’t soothe herself. She sure as shit knows how to go to sleep on her own because I TAUGHT HER HOW TO DO IT and she DOES IT AT BEDTIME. So I did what the google told me to do. AND STILLLLLLLL nothing works. So maybe it isn’t me. Maybe my kids are just defective when it comes to sleeping and I have to wait until they are older to get rest? Like at least I know 5 years down the road things may get easier? My only solace is that this time around, for right now at least, I’m not commuting because of the global pandemic that is still raging around us. I still have to mother two children, do remote learning, cook, clean, do laundry, etc., etc., etc., but at least I don’t have to put on real clothes? An express bus commute actually sounds like heaven right now.

The more things change, the more they stay the same!

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