Mirror, Mirror

Last night after her bath Charlotte was brushing her hair by herself, because God forbid she lets me do it for her.  She spent about 5 minutes combing it out and then ran to the mirror in the bathroom.  She looked at herself and said “oh wow I am so beautiful!”

I cried.  And not only because it was one of those sweet moments with your kid.  But because it showed me how she isn’t yet tainted by the world around her.  When I look into a mirror I am only focusing on the negative.  A pimple here, a wrinkle there.  Gray hairs that won’t stop sprouting.  A double chin.  Love handles, stretch marks, scars.  When Charlotte looked into that mirror last night and said she was beautiful, it reminded me that I when I look into a mirror, I need to see and say these things out loud too.  Because I want her to always look into that mirror and say she’s beautiful.  I don’t want her to see me look at myself and complain about my appearance.  I don’t want to be the one responsible for changing the way she sees herself.

It never ceases to amaze me how sometimes Charlotte teaches me more than I teach her.  Kids are amazing.

On My Own

Last night Charlotte and I were watching Zootopia in bed before she went to sleep.  We have seen this movie no less than 750 times, but it’s her favorite thing to watch right before she goes to sleep.  She was cuddled into me and the part where Judy Hopps leaves her parents to go work in Zootopia came on.  She asked me if her parents were going with her, like she asks me every night, even though she knows the movie so well she recites portions of it, and I told her no.  Judy was going off on her own to start a new job and a new life.  I told her one day she would also leave home and and be on her own and start a life.  And then the dramatics began.

Her bottom lip quivered.  She started leaking tears and proclaiming “no! I don’t want to be by myself! I don’t want to go on my own! I want to stay with you!”  I started to laugh because I didn’t think she would get so upset over it, and of course my laughing set her off even more.  I had to keep reassuring her she can always stay with me, forever and always.  As she drifted off to sleep the last thing she said was “I want to stay with mommy.”  It was all very sweet and just one of those “awww” parenting moments where I realized my kid actually does love me and doesn’t want to leave my side!

One day she is actually going to want to leave me, and I’ll be the one crying my eyes out begging her not to go.  I feel like that day is going to come faster than I want, so I better enjoy this while it lasts.

Mother’s Day Roundup

Hello there and happy Monday!  I hope all of you had a great weekend celebrating your mom.  I hope you all gave her the day off, which is what we so desire.  I had a wonderful Mother’s Day, partially because I didn’t have to mother for a good portion of it.  My parents kept Charlotte overnight on Saturday so I could be alone, which is what I really wanted for the day.  That sounds selfish, but is it really?  Asking for ONE day alone doesn’t seem to be that much of an ask, and what better day than Mother’s Day to get it?

Eric and I went to see The Avengers on Saturday night, and while I thought I would be lost because I haven’t seen nearly enough of the Marvel movies, I was so thoroughly entertained and really enjoyed it!  That could also be because I was watching something that wasn’t Muppet Babies or PJ Masks, but I thought it was really great.  I slept for a total of 11 hours without interruption and it was GLORIOUS.  Yesterday morning I woke up and caught up on all of my Bravo shows with hot coffee before heading to my grandma’s house to go out to dinner with my mom and family.  The food was great, Charlotte was well behaved and it was all in all a great day.

And then because Charlotte is so appreciative she gave me the worst night’s sleep in some time, constantly moving and moaning for hours on end until my alarm went off and I realized I slept very, very little.  Happy Mother’s Day indeed.

I Live With A Nudist

I’m starting to think I have a feral child.  She’s always hated pants and has now moved on to sleeping in only a pair of underwear.  Which is fine, because who doesn’t like to sleep that way?  Most of us don’t, but Char is rocking the tighty whitey underwear look.  But now she’s taking things too far.  When she woke up this morning she just took the underwear off and sat on the couch ass naked drinking her Mickey ba.  She insisted the underwear gave her a wedgie and as I left for work she still refused to put anything on.

She has gymnastics at noon so I’m hoping Eric can finagle some clothes on her.  I’m not sure if naked gymnastics is a trend anyone would like to start, other than my daughter.

Mother’s Day Gift Guides

Ahhh it’s that time again.  The weather warms up, the flowers start to bloom, and the mother’s day gift guides come out of the woodwork.  You know what I want for Mother’s Day?  To not be a mother for the day, that’s what I want.  Anyway, I saw an article this morning on Buzzfeed titled “19 Practical Mother’s Day Gifts for Moms Who Are Hard To Shop For.”  Here is the link because honestly it is worth checking out just for the sheer amount of WTF involved:

Mother’s Day Gift Guide – Buzzfeed

If you don’t feel like clicking on the link to see the 19 items for yourself, let me break some of my favorites down for you.

  • They list a squatty potty.  They suggest you buy your mom a stool to rest her feet and legs on while she is going to the bathroom.  Is there anything that can adequately express the love you have for your mom more than a poop stool?
  • A really good umbrella.  If someone buys me an umbrella for Mother’s Day I think I would snap it open into their face to be honest.
  • An extra long i-Phone charger.  Because nothing says I love you mom more than an extension cord.
  • A butter saver.  Literally a piece of plastic to put on the end of the stick of butter in the fridge.  So the mom in your life can be reminded that she lives with savages who cut pieces of butter off and leave it opened in the fridge.  That’s what we all want for Mother’s Day.
  • My personal favorite: a sunrise alarm clock.  Apparently this clock emits light to slowly wake you up from sleep.  You know what else wakes us up from sleep?  OUR DAMN KIDS.  WE DON’T WANT AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE TO WAKE US UP WHEN WE ALREADY HAVE THE HUMAN FORMS OF AN ALARM CLOCK.
  • A pair of “cushy knee pads.”  The writer of the list wrote “good for anyone who does chores.”  ANYONE WHO DOES CHORES?!  Happy Mother’s Day, mom!  Here are some knee pads for all of the chores you do.  Instead of me doing the chores on this day of love and recognition, I’ll just get you some hideous cushions to put on your knees to make your Cinderella days a little bit easier.  COME. ON.

You know what we want for Mother’s Day?  Peace and quiet.  SERIOUSLY.  Take the kids and GO.  If your kids are older perhaps you want to spend time with them and to that I say take your mom out to brunch or something.  Pay the check.  Get her a gift certificate to get her hair and nails done.  But for the love of God, don’t buy her a STOOL TO SHIT ON.

Those Magic Moments

Charlotte has woken up every day since Sunday before 6 AM. This is a problem simply because nobody wants to be awake this early. And every morning she says “why is it still dark out if we not sleeping anymore?” And I have to stop myself from screaming in frustration.

I was especially irritable this morning because she wanted me to set up her tent and watch her fling her toys over it and I was tired and needed to get ready for work and not watch Catboy go flying into the wall. I told her I had to get ready and since I had some extra time decided to do my makeup at home instead of at red lights in my car (I know, I knowwwww).

She came to investigate and then asked for a makeup brush because she said she had to do her makeup too. And then for the next five minutes she watched me in the mirror and copied with I was doing with a giant blush brush. When we were done she said “oh mommy you look so beautiful! I look beautiful too?” And that right there is the magic, man. It’s like some force knows when you’re about to break and sends you this small moment where nothing special is actually happening but in fact everything special is happening. I just have to remember to hold on tighter to the magic sometimes. Especially if she keeps waking up at 5:30.

The Innocence of Kids

I was able to take Charlotte to one of her gymnastics classes on Sunday morning.  She spends the hour alone in the class now and parents get to sit and watch.  This was one of the first times I could say that I felt serious pride in my daughter because she was just so good.  She didn’t come out to me once or even really look for me, she listened to everything the teacher said and she tried every exercise over and over until she got it right.  But what really made me tear up is just how these kids interact with each other.  Because it was a Sunday class we had never been to before Charlotte didn’t know any of the other girls.  But she didn’t care.  They immediately started playing together.  Kids don’t care about anything other than having fun.  They don’t hesitate to smile and go up to one another and just play.  Adults could really learn a lot from kids.  It makes me sad that there comes a time that they lose that innocence.  I hope Charlotte can hold onto it forever.

 

MIA

I’ve been a little MIA lately.  It’s not that anything isn’t going on, it’s just that I feel like I have some sort of writer’s block.  How can one have writer’s block when all I write about is my daily musings as a mom?  It seems kind of silly but that’s where I’m at.  I haven’t felt like discussing Charlotte’s current bath strike or hunger strike or really anything in particular, so I’ve just stayed away from writing down anything.

But, I would like to share something ridiculous with you all.  For the past week or so I have been listening to classical music.  Literally it is the only type of music I have been putting on my headphones or in my car.  And it is having the strangest effect on me.  As in I don’t feel a murderous rage for everyone around me when I’m commuting, and car rides have been much calmer as well.  For some reason this music has just been soothing me in a way that nothing other than wine can do.  And I can’t go drinking wine on my commutes or my drives, for obvious reasons.  Well, I guess I could, but I don’t feel like being arrested.  But really!  This music is where it is at for me lately.  I’ve either been listening to the 50 greatest classical masterpieces on Apple music or the Symphony station on XM radio.  And I absolutely love it, which is weird since I never in my life had the need to listen to this kind of music before.

I don’t know why I’m even writing about this, but I guess if you’re feeling murdery this morning I suggest a little Beethoven or Tchaikovsky.  Happy Friday!

To Hell & Back

Last night on the way to my parents Charlotte announced that she had to go to the bathroom.  Even though we went literally 2 minutes before we left the house.  She started shouting from the back seat, “okay we go to my house to poop and pee and then we go to nonna’s house! call daddy to come get me to go!” I could tell she wasn’t going to be able to hold it and I was on the BQE which has limited rest stops to say the least.  So I had to do what I have never done before.  And that is enter a gas station bathroom.  A gas station bathroom that was located outside.  A gas station outhouse, if you will.  It was like entering Satan’s lair.  It was cold and disgusting and just a place you don’t want to poop, let alone your kid.  But I brought baby wipes AND lysol wipes with me, because I knew this was not going to be pleasant.  Char was unusually fast (seriously, this kid could spend 45 minutes in the bathroom if I let her) because I think even she knew we were inside a petri dish of hell.  I decided to take all of our clothes and set them on fire when we arrived at our destination because it seemed to be the only logical solution.

I called Eric when we got in the car and told him if he ever had a doubt this kid wasn’t like him, she was CERTAINLY his daughter.  They can both poop anywhere.  Even a gas station out house.

I heard Char a few minutes later whisper to herself, “yea, I poop anywhere.”  She was proud of getting through that experience I think.

Inflection

Last night Charlotte was sitting on my lap and kissing me when I got home from work.  She looked so sweet and innocent and kept saying “oh I love your earrings! Oh I love your shirt!” and just giving me so many compliments and I thought to myself, “oh my god, I can’t believe I made her.”  I’m sure that is something most parents can understand, that in some moments it’s crazy to think you made this beautiful, sweet, innocent child who has completely stolen your heart.

And then I thought the same thing about two hours later.  Except this time it had completely different meaning since she was sucking ice cubes off the floor and then licking the mirror.  And I thought, “oh my GOD, I can’t believe I made her” and rolled my eyes so far back into my head they stayed there.