Fun Fights

I never thought the simple act of getting dressed everyday could lead to a fight with Charlotte.  I mean, I had a feeling that getting HER dressed would be a problem, and hoo boy it has, but I never thought she would have opinions about ME getting dressed.  And I’m not talking about my pants or top choices.  Oh no, Charlotte has specific opinions about one item of clothing and one item only.

My bra.

Whenever I get dressed around her, which let’s face it, is most of the time because she’s constantly up my ass, she insists I wear a hot pink bra with aqua straps.  The other day I was wearing a white shirt and therefore putting on a nude bra for obvious reasons.  Charlotte threw a FIT over this.  She was ripping the nude bra off my body and throwing the pink bra at me. “WEAR THE PINK ONE! PUT THE PINK ONE ON NOW MOMMY! PUT IT ONNNNNNN.”  So I did what any rational person would do in this situation.  I put the pink bra on and then went into the bathroom to covertly put the nude one back on and hide the pink one so my child couldn’t tell the difference.

Don’t all mothers do this?  Anyone?  No?  Cool, cool, cool, just me then.

Solo Gymnastics

Yesterday was Charlotte’s first day in the “funny bugs” class at her gym.  This translates to Charlotte being alone in a class for the first time.  I had anxiety for hours, because I’m ridiculous.  Eric and I took her and she surprised the hell out of me by going right into the gym and running and playing with a big smile on her face and I thought to myself, this was a lot easier than I anticipated.

And thennnnnnnnn class began.  And she came out to find me once, twice, three times.  She had to pee, she needed some milk.  She yelled at her teacher (Eric made her apologize when class was over) and begged me to help her on the balance beam.  But we kept bringing her right back inside.  Every time she came out we talked to her and sent her back in.  And she did the gym bars with her teacher, and she sat in the circle for drum time, and she bounced on the trampoline with the kids.  I’m hoping after a few classes she stops coming out so often.  She might actually do better without me there at all.  But for her first solo class I think she did a decent job!

Now we can focus on her birthday party on Sunday and turning 3 a week from today.  I don’t understand where time is going!


Want to know what it’s like to have to do some work at home with a toddler? When you have to answer a few emails and hope they can just entertain themselves? This is what happens.

She was watching trolls and decided to color herself blue to be like Branch.

Does this come off? Not really. She’s a nice tinted blue now so she got the effect she wanted I guess?

Take The Picture

I read an article online about how moms are usually the ones behind the camera and never in front.  I also know how critical we can be of ourselves in photos, checking them immediately after they’re taken to make sure we don’t look too fat, too slouched, too ugly.  This is a picture Eric snapped of me and Charlotte after we both fell asleep.  I am in my complete natural state.  Leftover shiny make up, ratty pajamas, an arm pit that looks like it may have some stray hairs sticking out of it.  Nothing about this picture is attractive, but to me, this picture is everything.


Do I look great? Hell to the no.  But my husband got this memory for me.  So I can look back years later and remember a time when Char used to cuddle into me to sleep.  (If she ever gets out of my bed, that is.)

Moms, stop taking the picture.  Get in the picture, and don’t delete them if they’re less than flattering.  Have proof of your memories while you can.

Good Days

I feel like lately I’ve turned a corner with Charlotte.  It seems like our good days are seriously outweighing the bad days, and that makes me so happy.  Does she still frustrate me to the point of an apoplectic meltdown sometimes?  Of course!  Do I still dream of her one day sleeping by herself? Always.  But we are on such a good path that I’m afraid that even writing about it will jinx it, but I want to document the good just as much as I document the bad.

She’s eating so much better than she has in the past.  I mean, she’s eating the same things over and over again, but she’s EATING.  She has fully potty trained herself and the only time we put on pull ups is at night, but she’s waking up totally dry.  The potty training really made things better, especially because we didn’t even have to do anything.  She just decided she was done with diapers, and thank god for that.

The conversations we have with her are fantastic.  She genuinely makes me laugh every day.  She actually asks and answers questions thoughtfully, and I no longer feel like I have to decipher the things she says.  I love that she is more independent and chatty but is still totally into cuddling all the time.  I melt every time she says “mommy hold me, hold meeeee.”  Even if she says it at 2 AM.  I don’t love that she sleeps with us all the time, but I can’t deny that I try to see the good in it because she won’t be sleeping with us forever.  I hope.

I love watching her play.  Last night she said all of her puppies were hungry, and she kept going into her room to make them food on her toy kitchen and bringing it out to feed them.  She names her animals the dumbest things, like sissy and “eeta”, whatever the hell that means, but I laugh at the way she says it.  She was playing with her Frozen figures last night and all Eric and I kept hearing was “Elsa saveeeee me!!” and then she would have Anna respond with, “I cant, I don’t feel well.”  I mean, CORRECT GRAMMAR PEOPLE.

These are the days, man.  I can’t believe she’s going to be 3 in 3 weeks.  But I am really loving this time.

That is, until the threenagers hit.

Here’s To You Mamas

Too often I find myself focusing on the stuff I’ve done wrong as a mom than the stuff I’m doing right.  It’s so much easier to focus on the negatives, especially when you’re able to sit behind your phone or computer and see how every other mom is outperforming you.  I’ll see photos of a kid sleeping in their bed and immediately think how I’m screwing up because Charlotte still sleeps with me, instead of focusing on the fact that she is actually sleeping instead of waking up 10 times a night.  I’ll see comments on this food group I’m a member of on Facebook about how someone’s two year old is just loving a chicken curry soup while I’m feeding mine her third bowl of macaroni and cheese.  But what I forget is that every mom is fighting a battle with their kid that may be different from my own.  And maybe we all need to just focus on the stuff that’s actually going right in our crazy lives and give ourselves a break.

So here’s to you, mamas.  Give yourself a pat on the back for keeping your kids alive.  Here’s to you for waking up every time they need you, whether it be for a bottle or just because they’re scared.  Here’s to you for buying the groceries, making the dinner and keeping your house in some semblance of working order.  Here’s to you for holding down a full time job at work and at home.  Or for somehow staying home with your kids all day long without any breaks and managing to keep a smile on your face.  Here’s to you for making doctor appointments and going to soccer practice or mommy and me groups.  Here’s to you for drinking lukewarm coffee every morning because we no longer have the time to sit and enjoy a hot cup.  Here’s to you for knowing that it’s totally okay and perfectly acceptable to complain about your kids.  We love them, but we don’t always have to like them.  Here’s to knowing that it’s acceptable to roll your eyes every time someone says “enjoy it now, because it goes by so fast.”  We know it goes by so fast and sometimes, we’d like for this phase to go a little faster, thank you very much.  But it’s also okay to be sad with the knowledge that the days are long but the years are short.

Here’s to you, mamas, for always putting everyone else before yourself.  Even if you think you’re failing, you’re doing the best job you can do.  Honestly, as long as you aren’t letting your kids eat Tide Pods, I think you’re succeeding a lot more than you realize.

Mom Level : No Longer Giving a Sh*t

Saturday night on our way home from my cousin’s house, Charlotte started coughing and then proceeded to vomit all over herself.  In her hair, on the iPad, everywhere.  This isn’t our first car vomit rodeo.  The last time I was in hysterics almost as bad as she was.  This time?  Well as she was hysterical and sobbing “it was a accident! get the pukey pukes off of me!” I just said, “well sweetie, we’re on the highway and you’re just going to have to wait until I get off the exit.”  And when we pulled over I just draped her in a blanket and got the puke off the iPad so she could go back to using it.  And then when we got home I had to take a bath with her, because of course I did.  And because my level of no longer giving a shit has hit the highest bar, I took the vomit covered car seat and threw it in the garbage and ordered a new one off of Amazon.  Because I am SO OVER cleaning vomit off a car seat.  It is not worth it.  So thanks, Amazon Prime.  Thanks for giving me the easy way out.

I am so over it.

The Art of Negotiation

I never thought I’d need to brush up on my negotiation skills to interact with an almost 3 year old, but here we are. Charlotte tries to negotiate every aspect of her life. What clothes she wears, what she eats, how much she eats, when she goes to bed. I wouldn’t say everything is a fight, but everything is certainly a deal in the making with her. She will tell me that if she has to wear pants, then she’s going to wear a nightgown as a shirt. She’ll tell me that if she has to eat dinner, then she needs to have an ice pop after. If she has to go to bed, then she’s going to watch “two more minutes” of Trolls.

Last night we went to the diner for dinner. Since my grandpa died three years ago I’ve decided to celebrate his birthday with Charlotte and Eric by eating waffles and ice cream like I had with him on his very last birthday. Charlotte, of course, took this to mean that she was having ice cream for dinner. On the car ride there she said she was getting “nilla with frinkles” and I told her hell to the NO. Then she started her negotiations.

“I have crackers, then ice cream.”

I told her she can have noodle soup.


I said then no ice cream.

“Ok ok ok. I have crackers, then a yittle but of soup, THEN ice cream. Deal?”

And then she makes me shake her hand and do a pinky promise in which she kisses her pinky and makes me kiss my pinky. This is how every deal she makes ends. I have no idea who taught her this because it certainly wasn’t me.

BUT, she ate her crackers and her soup! Eric taught her to dip the crackers into the soup too and she loved that. It makes me gag, but at least I got chicken and vegetables into her body.

At least the kid keeps her end of the deal.

The Disadvantages to Potty Training

I want to know why we put so much pressure on ourselves to potty train our children as quickly as possible.  Is it because we don’t like to pay for diapers, or is it because we find some sort of sick pride in being able to say “oh little Tommy was potty trained by 18 months!” Whatever it is, I think there are some disadvantages to having our kids out of diapers and I’ve got the perfect example.

Last week when I was driving to Staten Island with Charlotte, she announced that she had to pee on the Belt Parkway.  This would never have been an issue if she was in a diaper, but because she now wears underwear it quickly became a code red emergency.  So I did what any normal mother would do in this situation being far from a bathroom.  I pulled over on the side of the ride and tried to get my child to pee into a cup in the backseat.  Oh, is this not what you would have done?  Yeah, probably not my finest moment.  However, I will forever get a chuckle remembering Charlotte’s face while I held a cup between her legs in the backseat of my car.  Her eyes as wide as saucers, screaming at me that she didn’t have to pee anymore.  And so I decided then that if she peed herself, I’d deal with it, because I couldn’t find a gas station or anything like that in the vicinity.

But THEN, miraculously, there was a shopping center with a Dunkin’ Donuts and a diner.  We shuffled out of the car and ran into Dunkin first, where Charlotte yelled at the man behind the counter, “I gotta go peepee!” and he informed us that there was no restroom.  So to the diner we went, where the sign said “restrooms are for customers only.”  But, bless the man’s heart, as Charlotte continued to scream “I gotta go peepee!” he let us through.  And then she danced around the diner because the Justin Timberlake song from Trolls was playing on the radio and she was pretty excited about that.  Crisis averted!

Honestly, diapers weren’t so bad.

Last night Charlotte woke up at midnight completely congested and acting like a real a-hole.  She wanted a Mickey ba (when doesn’t she want a Mickey ba?) and I had to pee, but she followed me into the bathroom and crawled on top of me on the toilet in the dark and screamed her congested little head off.  Then she decided we were sleeping on the couch the rest of the night with NO pillows.  She threw the pillows across the room in a fit of toddler rage.  I guess I should be thankful she acquiesced to a blanket.  She went back to sleep fairly quickly and stayed asleep for the most part.  There were some moans and congested coughs, while I stayed half awake all night checking her for a fever and praying this wouldn’t spiral into some sort of horrific illness.  I woke up, before my alarm, with a sore back and all of my post-vacation exhaustion back in full force.

When she woke up I was in the kitchen, and I heard her humming the tune to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”  When I walked in the living room she looked up at me, stretched her arms out and said: “oh what a nice nap we had!” and came over to hug and kiss me and tell me she was ready to pee.  And while I’ve been feeling pretty down about being home in the cold in January, I realized this motherhood thing isn’t so bad when you’ve got a little person who loves you ALL the time and says adorable things like that when she wakes up.  Not so bad at all.