I was such a good mom before I had any kids.  Before I had any kids I swore we would sit at the dinner table every night as a family with no TV on and eat a nutritious meal I concocted after work.

Want to know what we did last night?  Eric went to sleep, I threw some leftover plain spaghetti in the microwave and Charlotte sat on the couch watching Paw Patrol whilst eating said spaghetti with her hands.  And I didn’t give a damn, because 1) I was tired and, 2) she was consuming food.

But you know what?  It was whole wheat spaghetti.  SO THERE.

It’s Time

The days of co-sleeping are coming to an end.  Charlotte has been in my bed forever now, and while it didn’t bother me at first, it’s bothering me now.  She talks in her sleep, she requests music at 1 AM, she shouts out “mommy hold me, I so bery cold!”  I cannot take it anymore.  I honestly can’t remember the last time I got any uninterrupted sleep.  It is maddening.  So I’m making the decision to gradually shift her to her own room and her own bed.  I have no idea what I’m doing and want to make it as painless as possible for the both of us.  So I started yesterday, on daylight savings day, because I’m a moron.

It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but it wasn’t great.  I’m hopeful though.  I gave her melatonin because I was not messing around last night.  I bought the kids one that says its all natural, blah blah blah, so I assume it’s fine.  It’s fine!  She fell asleep on the couch around 8 which was a miracle in and of itself, and Eric put her to bed in her own room.  And then I couldn’t fall asleep because I had anxiety about when she would wake up and call for me because I am ruined from this child’s sleep habits.  She woke up once at 11 and I was able to rub her back and she went back to sleep.  She woke up again at 1 calling for me and asking me to lay down, so I did for about 5 minutes and she went back to sleep again.  Annoying that I had to be woken up, but optimistic that she went back to bed quickly.  But then she woke up at 2 and started shouting “SAM! SAM! SAM!” and was wandering the hallway and at this point I just told her to come in my bed because I was exhausted and I obviously suck at sleep training.  But when she starts calling me by my name then shit is about to hit the fan and I wasn’t playing games anymore.  I’m hopeful for tonight though.  Baby steps, right?  I mean, she’s only 3.  I’ve screwed it up for this long, what’s the harm in doing this gradually at this point?

Any ideas are welcome!  Just do me a favor and don’t tell me melatonin is bad.  I have no time for that kind of negativity.

Happy Women’s Day!

Today is International Women’s Day, a day to celebrate women’s achievements throughout history and across the nation.  A day to celebrate how far we have come and how much further we have to go.

So here’s to all the kickass women in my life.  I love you all.  Whether you’re raising babies and dealing with everything from working out of the home or trying to get 15 seconds to yourself or whether you are kicking ass and taking names in your career, I salute you and I love you.  You’re my tribe and my people and I’m proud to be raising Charlotte like all of you.

“Here’s to strong women.  May we know them.  May me be them.  May we raise them.”


And really, I’d just like to end with a quote from Adele.

(When asked whether her husband minds her not shaving her legs for a month) ‘He has no choice. I’ll have no man telling me to shave my fucking legs. Shave yours.’ (From Vanity Fair)



A Warning

You guys.  The worst time of the year is coming.  The worst, worst, worst.  Did I mention it’s the worst?  I am so afraid and I am unprepared like I am every year.

Sunday, March 11.

Daylight savings time.

I feel like we just did the nightmare of fall back and now we’re springing forward.  Am I happy that we get extra sunlight?  Yes.  Am I petrified of Charlotte going haywire like a broken computer and staying up all night?  Always.  She’s already a damn disaster and this isn’t going to do us any favors.

I don’t even understand why we still do this.  Apparently the whole “saving energy” thing is bullshit because I did a little research and that idea originated from saving candle wax back in the days of Benjamin Franklin.  Benjamin Franklin is dead and I’m pretty sure Bath & Body Works has enough candle wax to go around.  Then I saw something about how it helped farmers, so I did a little more research and found out that’s bullshit too.  Farmers are totally opposed to it and say it messes up their routine.  So then I did even more research and found out that Americans spend more money when it’s light out.  So apparently this is why we do this.  We switch our clocks back and forth two times a year so we can spend more money.

We are screwing up the routines of farmers and parents here people.


Justice for farmers! Justice for parents!  End daylight savings time!

I think I might start a movement.  God, I’m so tired.




A Happy Birthday Indeed

Thank you all so much for your sweet wishes for Charlotte’s 3rd birthday! She can’t read yet but I told her all about them.  She says “gank you.”

We really had the best day yesterday and a great party on Sunday.  Her party was at The Little Gym of Bayside where she attends gymnastics classes and the kids had a BALL.  It was an hour and a half so the perfect amount of time for the kids to play and then to enjoy some pizza and cake.  She got so many presents and has not stopped playing with everything.

I took off work yesterday to spend the day with her.  We took a walk up to Dunkin’ Donuts and she enjoyed a vanilla frosted with sprinkles for her breakfast, because it’s not every day you turn 3.  She only eats the frosting and the sprinkles though, and then tries to shove the gummy, chewed off donut in my mouth which is just delightful.  Then I took her for her first manicure!!!! She picked her favorite color green and she sat in my lap and was so good and really enjoyed it up until the lady put nail polish remover on her thumb and there was a tiny cut on it that I wasn’t aware of so then she screamed bloody murder and insisted no polish be put on that finger.  But she was so happy with her green nails and little white flowers on them and then she started biting them immediately so I’m never taking her for a manicure ever again.

Charlotte then took a beautiful 2 hour nap and instead of napping with her I decided to watch Twilight and revisit my youth.  Man, what a shit movie that was.  I still love it though.  It’s like jumping back in time to when I went to see it about 7 days in a row.  Right Shanna?  The best of times.

Eric and I then continued our birthday tradition of bringing her to Toys R Us and it always amazes me how fantastic she is in a toy store.  She literally picks one item and then asks to go pay and doesn’t ask for anything else.  And she never picks a huge toy like I think she would.  Yesterday she picked a small PJ Masks art set.  So now we have approximately 367,809 pieces of PJ Masks art sets.  She plays with them all though, so I guess I shouldn’t complain.

However, the pièce de résistance of the birthday is when we went for pizza and Charlotte ate an entire slice of meatball AND ONION.  I’m still glowing from the joy of that meal.  It’s the little things, am I right?

I can’t believe my baby is 3.  But I’m so happy and so full of love that I can’t wait to see where this year takes us.

Maybe a sibling.





My Char Char, my chicken, my charboogie chunka butt.  Today you are THREE!  As cliche as it sounds, it feels like just yesterday I traveled to hell and back to bring you into this world.  How funny is it that mothers have to experience the worst pain in their lives before they can experience the greatest joy?  The lowest low to the highest high.  You were worth it all.

What a year we have had!  You still don’t like to sleep alone, but that’s okay.  One day we’ll get there.  Maybe by 4?  Your hair is still a nightmare and it’s time to get a haircut for real, but in the last few days you’re becoming a little more accepting of a ponytail which is nice.  I have to tell you, this age is my favorite so far.  I loved you as a snuggle baby, but now you are fiercely independent yet still want to cuddle all the time.  I can see the person you are becoming and I am so, so proud of you.  You are so smart and have an amazing memory.  I love teaching you new things, like how to write the letter X, and then seeing how excited and proud you are when you manage to do it yourself.  You should always be proud of yourself no matter what.

I love listening to you talk more than ever.  I love the conversations we have.  I love the way you tell me to “take ya earring off” when you want to hold my ear and drink your Mickey ba.  I love how you always, always say please when you ask for something.  I love how you say it in an especially sweet voice when you know it’s something I’m likely to say no to, like an ice pop at 6:30 am.

I love watching you play when you think nobody is around.  How you can sit in your room for a while by yourself, putting your stuffed animals to bed, playing with your PJ Masks headquarters and making up stories as you go.  I want you to use your imagination for everything in life my girl, it will take you to great places!

I love how you hold my face in your hands and say “mommy you happy?” when you’ve done something wrong and now I’m mad. It’s a brilliant technique that usually stops me in my tracks and makes me smile, so kudos to you for that. Sometimes I forgot how clever you are.

I love how much you love puzzles and it always amazes me that you can usually do them by yourself. I love how you ask me and daddy to come in your room to watch you play. You do love an audience.

You’ve changed so much in the past three years and you continue to change me too.  I love you more than all the stars in the sky and all the fish in the sea.  I love you more than I love sleep (which is saying a lot, since I don’t get much of it).  I love you to infinity and beyond.  I am thankful for absolutely everything over these three years.  Every moment, the good ones and the bad ones.  I have smiled every single day since I have become your mother. You can’t possibly understand the love I have for you my Char Char.

Happy birthday chicken.  I can’t wait to see how much you grow and change over the next year.


Fun Fights

I never thought the simple act of getting dressed everyday could lead to a fight with Charlotte.  I mean, I had a feeling that getting HER dressed would be a problem, and hoo boy it has, but I never thought she would have opinions about ME getting dressed.  And I’m not talking about my pants or top choices.  Oh no, Charlotte has specific opinions about one item of clothing and one item only.

My bra.

Whenever I get dressed around her, which let’s face it, is most of the time because she’s constantly up my ass, she insists I wear a hot pink bra with aqua straps.  The other day I was wearing a white shirt and therefore putting on a nude bra for obvious reasons.  Charlotte threw a FIT over this.  She was ripping the nude bra off my body and throwing the pink bra at me. “WEAR THE PINK ONE! PUT THE PINK ONE ON NOW MOMMY! PUT IT ONNNNNNN.”  So I did what any rational person would do in this situation.  I put the pink bra on and then went into the bathroom to covertly put the nude one back on and hide the pink one so my child couldn’t tell the difference.

Don’t all mothers do this?  Anyone?  No?  Cool, cool, cool, just me then.

Solo Gymnastics

Yesterday was Charlotte’s first day in the “funny bugs” class at her gym.  This translates to Charlotte being alone in a class for the first time.  I had anxiety for hours, because I’m ridiculous.  Eric and I took her and she surprised the hell out of me by going right into the gym and running and playing with a big smile on her face and I thought to myself, this was a lot easier than I anticipated.

And thennnnnnnnn class began.  And she came out to find me once, twice, three times.  She had to pee, she needed some milk.  She yelled at her teacher (Eric made her apologize when class was over) and begged me to help her on the balance beam.  But we kept bringing her right back inside.  Every time she came out we talked to her and sent her back in.  And she did the gym bars with her teacher, and she sat in the circle for drum time, and she bounced on the trampoline with the kids.  I’m hoping after a few classes she stops coming out so often.  She might actually do better without me there at all.  But for her first solo class I think she did a decent job!

Now we can focus on her birthday party on Sunday and turning 3 a week from today.  I don’t understand where time is going!


Want to know what it’s like to have to do some work at home with a toddler? When you have to answer a few emails and hope they can just entertain themselves? This is what happens.

She was watching trolls and decided to color herself blue to be like Branch.

Does this come off? Not really. She’s a nice tinted blue now so she got the effect she wanted I guess?

Take The Picture

I read an article online about how moms are usually the ones behind the camera and never in front.  I also know how critical we can be of ourselves in photos, checking them immediately after they’re taken to make sure we don’t look too fat, too slouched, too ugly.  This is a picture Eric snapped of me and Charlotte after we both fell asleep.  I am in my complete natural state.  Leftover shiny make up, ratty pajamas, an arm pit that looks like it may have some stray hairs sticking out of it.  Nothing about this picture is attractive, but to me, this picture is everything.


Do I look great? Hell to the no.  But my husband got this memory for me.  So I can look back years later and remember a time when Char used to cuddle into me to sleep.  (If she ever gets out of my bed, that is.)

Moms, stop taking the picture.  Get in the picture, and don’t delete them if they’re less than flattering.  Have proof of your memories while you can.