Sometimes we all need a little nervous breakdown
Hello there friends. Since I last wrote we have converted a crib to a bed, had a 1 AM nervous breakdown (me), had two dogs for 9 days and had another breakdown when the dogs left (the kids). It’s been a TIME!
Let’s rewind to the bed. I don’t know why I thought Mackenzie would sleep in her bed with no issues. That has not been the case and it was foolish of me to even assume it would be. What I did *not* anticipate were the nights of not sleeping for hours at a time, either in her bed or mine. On day 3 of this madness I had a complete and utter breakdown propelled by anxiety, exhaustion and the staggering weight of motherhood. I am talking WRACKING sobs at 1 AM. And the kicker? Charlotte witnessed all of it. It was honestly one of the worst nights of my parenting life. It was shameful and upsetting and gosh did I hate every second of it. Mackenzie had been awful during the day from lack of sleep and then even worse at night. It was constant fighting, constant physical touch, constant mommy mommy mommy mommy. I lost it, truly. I hit a very low point for a few days and was really a mess. BUT things are looking up (with the help of sleep and medicine!) and although Mackenzie does not stay in her bed all night – sometimes she barely even spends two hours in there – it’s been more manageable and I’m doing whatever I have to do to make it work. And that’s motherhood in a nutshell, isn’t it? Also lots of support from my family and friends and lots of personal work on trying not to be so hard on myself. Nobody’s perfect, especially not me.
Now to the dogs. We watched my BFF’s two Havanese dogs for them while they were in Mexico and it was a dreamy 9 days. These dogs are the most perfect dogs to ever exist. So fun, so well behaved, so playful and cute. My kids went crazy for them, Eric went crazy for them, it was the best of times. I would remind Mackenzie every day that the dogs had to go home because I knew she was going to be a problem when that day came. Every time I told her she’d respond with, “not now! 5 minutes!” And then last night came the time to return the dogs and my house turned into a competition for Best Actress in a Drama real quick. Mackenzie was wailing, Charlotte was sobbing. I started to cry because the kids were crying and then my mom started to cry because we are all dramatic psychopaths. You would think we were sending the dogs to the rainbow bridge. Charlotte cried herself to sleep! It was the saddest of time. But we’re not ready for a dog and by this morning everyone kind of got over it so that just goes to show you how much my children love things I guess.
Anyway, we’re ready for our Kenzie girl to turn 3 on Friday, we’re ready for school to end and ready for a great summer. Maybe with more bed sleeping. A girl can dream.