Mothers Don’t Get Sick Days

I was ill yesterday.  And not just some sniffles and a cough ill, I’m talking throwing up every time I ate or drank anything, a massive headache, I mean even my skin hurt.  All I wanted to do was lay down and throw up into a bucket over the side of my bed.  I could not do this, because I have a child.  And this is when I realized I’m never going to get a sick day again for the rest of my life.

If you told me before I became a parent that there was a possibility of vomiting into the toilet bowl with a toddler on your back with their hands around your neck, I would have laughed at you.  But on this third trip to the bathroom, Charlotte decided to kick open the door donkey style and climb on top of me.  There I am, on my knees, heaving up the nonexistent contents of my stomach, and Charlotte is literally on my back like a monkey trying to see what is going on.  She is patting my cheek and saying “it’s okay mommy! you got more pukey pukes?” This is a thing that occurred.  This is how I had to throw up.  This is not the ideal way to be ill.  Not that there is an ideal way to throw up violently, but doing so without one’s child choking the bile out of you is probably not the way to go.

So after this ended I did what any normal parent does when they are alone with their kid and they are sick and exhausted.  I had a nervous breakdown and started sobbing uncontrollably.  Because that’s a healthy coping mechanism.  But I was tiredddddddd.  This asshole wakes me up every single night which is probably why I got sick in the first place because I have no immune system because my body doesn’t sleep and regenerate the cells I need to live my life or however that works.  She ran away from me as I cried and cried and cried.  And then I surprisingly felt better, which is weird.  My mom came over, thank the Lord above, and then I threw up some more.  I went to sleep at 7:45 and Char woke up repeatedly from 11-2 because she now has a cold and can’t breathe through her nose and that’s just how our September is ending you guys.  Going out with a bang of vomit, snot & tons of Lysol.

YAY KIDS.