About Last Night

I am always extra tired on Mondays because for one, it’s Monday, and two, I stupidly stay up late to watch Game of Thrones because I can’t stand the thought of being behind anyone on that show.  So I sleep even less with the asshole sleeper because I’m staying up late thinking it’s acceptable.  Ah well, sometimes we sacrifice.  Anyway, yesterday I was pretty beat, but when I got home Eric had Charlie girl on the front lawn waiting for me with her little leggings and high top sneakers and it was really the cutest damn thing you ever did see.  I scooped her up and kissed her face and she smelled like grass and fresh air and it was lovely.  Hallmark moment for sure.  Just plaster us on the cover of Parents Weekly.  I should have known that would be the highlight of the evening.

When I get home I nurse the beast (yes, still doing it.  No, don’t know when I’m going to stop, thanks for asking) and then we play and then I get her dinner ready.  Last night I figured I would give her chickarina soup because she loves it so much.  It has little acini de pepe macaroni, chicken, carrots and little meatballs.  Always a slam dunk in our household.  And a slam dunk it was, but only if she could feed it to herself.  And the thing is, she’s 14 months old, so she doesn’t know how the fuck to feed herself soup.  She can barely get scrambled eggs in her mouth without sending them flying, so soup was going to be really problematic.  If you’re my friend on Facebook, you’ll have seen the video of what happened every time I took the spoon away from her.  Oscar worthy performance I tell you.  Oscar. Worthy.  Dinner took about as long as it would have taken me to make the fucking soup from scratch myself, and there was soup flying everywhere.  At one point she kicked the bowl (still don’t know how) and sent soup flying all over my work pants.  Then as I was cleaning that up, she was rubbing the spoon into my head, so I had carrots and broth cascading down my curls.  She was still hungry after that debacle, so she had a squeeze pouch of orange and carrot and she let me feed this to her ONLY IF I allowed her to watch the video of herself freaking the hell out over and over and over.  Then she had some cheerios and gagged herself with them so she thew up carrot and orange puree onto me.  It is only 6 PM at this point and I have soup and vomit on my person.

After all of that she had an explosive diaper, tried to escape me, got literal shit on me (if you’re keeping a tally, I now have quite the array of liquids and bodily fluids on my person) and started screaming like I was killing her when I tried to wipe her before putting her in the bath.  I asked Eric to get her in the tub while I attempted to clean myself up, and then I heard a loud crash, because she pulled the shower curtain rod down.  I finally got her clean, dressed and in bed without any further incidents.  Eric and I ate dinner, I took a shower, and I was in bed by 8:12.  It was just one of those nights.