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Questions – All. The. Time.

We’re at this stage with Charlotte when she is constantly asking questions about everything and anything.  Sometimes they’re easy questions to answer, like when she asks me, “do I have to wear pants outside?”  Other questions make me laugh, such as, “why do I have to go to bed if the sun is still out?”  But last night this kid stumped me and I found it to be a great moment of learning for me as well as for her.

Before she went to sleep she wanted to listen to a song called “I’ve Been There Buddy.”  It’s off the Muppet Babies soundtrack and the first few times she just sang the words to me, but then she started asking questions about the first two lines of the song.  They are: “Big feelings can fill you up and make you feel real small – I know, I’ve been there buddy.”  First she asked me what Summer (the penguin who sings this song) meant by small.  “Summer gets small?  Is she little?” And I had to explain to her that isn’t exactly what she meant in this part of the song.  Before I could really get to an explanation, she then started asking about the feelings fill you up part.  “Fill you up like milk mommy?  Is it like filling my Mickey ba?”

And that’s when I realized I had no idea how to explain this to her.

So I took a second to try and grasp some concept of the English language to explain what song lyrics in a Muppet Babies song meant.  If she asked me about the meaning to “How To Grow a Rubber Chicken” I would have been all set, but this was harder than I thought.  Try and think of how you would explain what that meant to a 3 year old on the spot.  It’s hard!

I tried my best and she seemed fine since she fell asleep shortly after, but I sat up for a little while realizing I need to be a little better in my explanations of things when she asks questions.

I like it better when she only asks me if she has to wear pants.


Last night before Charlotte went to sleep I told her we were going to go shopping today. I asked what she wanted to buy and she responded with lollipops, ice pops and candy. I think she’s on track to be a nutritionist.

She asked where we were going and I said to Target. She turned around and looked at me and said, “that means we’re going to Starbucks too, right?”

My 3 year old equates Target with Starbucks, and I couldn’t be more proud. I’m raising her right, guys. I’m raising her right.

Good Weekends

Hi all!  I hope you guys had a great long weekend.  I was home unexpectedly on Thursday so it was an extra long weekend for me, which was nice because I spent a lot of quality time with Char.  On Thursday I took her to the Queens Zoo, which is possibly the worst zoo in the city, and it was way more crowded than I thought it would be because every school in Queens had a class trip there at the very moment we arrived.  Charlotte said, and I quote, “‘there’s too many people here. I don’t like people.”  And that is when we left.  We had a nice lunch at Chipotle after that, burrito bowl for me, chips for Char, and then spent the afternoon playing in the sun.  It was a good day and we went to bed happy.

On Friday we went to my mom’s friends to go swimming and Charlotte was in HEAVEN.  She was wearing a floatie and although she was scared at first and I couldn’t really leave her side, she got the hang of it and stayed in the freezing cold water as long as she was allowed.  Another good day!

Saturday was the best day of all because Eric and I got a nice night alone and went to see Deadpool 2, which was HILARIOUS.  I got some nice sleep and then on Sunday we went to celebrate my cousin Ayden’s birthday.  Charlotte is so funny when she sees us, even if it’s only been a day.  She gets a huge smile and said to me, “you told me you’d meet me mommy! You told me you’d meet me!”  She is seriously the cutest.

Yesterday we went to Adventureland with our friends and it was SUCH fun day.  Did Charlotte have a psychotic meltdown because she hated her ride wristband?  Of course.  Did Charlotte ask me for chicken fingers and then refuse to eat them?  You betcha.  Did Charlotte freak out when it was time to leave?  Correct!  But all in all, it was a fun fantastic day and we love spending time with our friends.  And Charlotte went to bed at 7:45 so YAY FOR THAT.

I love good weekends.  Even with some stressful moments where I lose my patience, all of the good outweighed the bad.  She is at such a fun age and I find myself laughing a lot more than I’m screaming.  I mean, I’m definitely still screaming.  You can’t parent a 3 year old without some screaming and if you say you can then you’re a liar and I can’t be your friend.

Reasons Why Charlotte Is Crying

  • There was a line in Haagen Daaz and she thought the people in front of us were going to take all of the vanilla ice cream.
  • She can’t pee because she has a pimple on her butt and she would only pee if I covered the pimple with my hand while she went.  This is real life.
  • The pillow hurts her.  Her side of the bed is “not right.”  She needs to switch sides, multiple times.
  • I put her food in the blue bowl when she wanted it in the green bowl.  And then she wouldn’t eat it until I let her put it inside the freezer and then take it out again and put it back into the blue bowl.
  • Her hair was wet and she wanted it dry.  But she didn’t want it dried with a towel or with the hair dryer.  She wanted it dried with sorcery.  I was all out of sorcery this particular night.
  • I told her it was time to brush her teeth.  Instant meltdown.
  • She’s hungry.  But only for ice cream, ice pops or milk.  If anything else is offered to her the hunger magically disappears.
  • She cries every night when she is exhausted but won’t give in to sleep.  She insists she’s sick.  Every. single. night. “I don’t feel well! I’m sick!”  until she eventually passes out.

So many tears, not enough wine.

Mirror, Mirror

Last night after her bath Charlotte was brushing her hair by herself, because God forbid she lets me do it for her.  She spent about 5 minutes combing it out and then ran to the mirror in the bathroom.  She looked at herself and said “oh wow I am so beautiful!”

I cried.  And not only because it was one of those sweet moments with your kid.  But because it showed me how she isn’t yet tainted by the world around her.  When I look into a mirror I am only focusing on the negative.  A pimple here, a wrinkle there.  Gray hairs that won’t stop sprouting.  A double chin.  Love handles, stretch marks, scars.  When Charlotte looked into that mirror last night and said she was beautiful, it reminded me that I when I look into a mirror, I need to see and say these things out loud too.  Because I want her to always look into that mirror and say she’s beautiful.  I don’t want her to see me look at myself and complain about my appearance.  I don’t want to be the one responsible for changing the way she sees herself.

It never ceases to amaze me how sometimes Charlotte teaches me more than I teach her.  Kids are amazing.

On My Own

Last night Charlotte and I were watching Zootopia in bed before she went to sleep.  We have seen this movie no less than 750 times, but it’s her favorite thing to watch right before she goes to sleep.  She was cuddled into me and the part where Judy Hopps leaves her parents to go work in Zootopia came on.  She asked me if her parents were going with her, like she asks me every night, even though she knows the movie so well she recites portions of it, and I told her no.  Judy was going off on her own to start a new job and a new life.  I told her one day she would also leave home and and be on her own and start a life.  And then the dramatics began.

Her bottom lip quivered.  She started leaking tears and proclaiming “no! I don’t want to be by myself! I don’t want to go on my own! I want to stay with you!”  I started to laugh because I didn’t think she would get so upset over it, and of course my laughing set her off even more.  I had to keep reassuring her she can always stay with me, forever and always.  As she drifted off to sleep the last thing she said was “I want to stay with mommy.”  It was all very sweet and just one of those “awww” parenting moments where I realized my kid actually does love me and doesn’t want to leave my side!

One day she is actually going to want to leave me, and I’ll be the one crying my eyes out begging her not to go.  I feel like that day is going to come faster than I want, so I better enjoy this while it lasts.

Mother’s Day Roundup

Hello there and happy Monday!  I hope all of you had a great weekend celebrating your mom.  I hope you all gave her the day off, which is what we so desire.  I had a wonderful Mother’s Day, partially because I didn’t have to mother for a good portion of it.  My parents kept Charlotte overnight on Saturday so I could be alone, which is what I really wanted for the day.  That sounds selfish, but is it really?  Asking for ONE day alone doesn’t seem to be that much of an ask, and what better day than Mother’s Day to get it?

Eric and I went to see The Avengers on Saturday night, and while I thought I would be lost because I haven’t seen nearly enough of the Marvel movies, I was so thoroughly entertained and really enjoyed it!  That could also be because I was watching something that wasn’t Muppet Babies or PJ Masks, but I thought it was really great.  I slept for a total of 11 hours without interruption and it was GLORIOUS.  Yesterday morning I woke up and caught up on all of my Bravo shows with hot coffee before heading to my grandma’s house to go out to dinner with my mom and family.  The food was great, Charlotte was well behaved and it was all in all a great day.

And then because Charlotte is so appreciative she gave me the worst night’s sleep in some time, constantly moving and moaning for hours on end until my alarm went off and I realized I slept very, very little.  Happy Mother’s Day indeed.

I Live With A Nudist

I’m starting to think I have a feral child.  She’s always hated pants and has now moved on to sleeping in only a pair of underwear.  Which is fine, because who doesn’t like to sleep that way?  Most of us don’t, but Char is rocking the tighty whitey underwear look.  But now she’s taking things too far.  When she woke up this morning she just took the underwear off and sat on the couch ass naked drinking her Mickey ba.  She insisted the underwear gave her a wedgie and as I left for work she still refused to put anything on.

She has gymnastics at noon so I’m hoping Eric can finagle some clothes on her.  I’m not sure if naked gymnastics is a trend anyone would like to start, other than my daughter.

Mother’s Day Gift Guides

Ahhh it’s that time again.  The weather warms up, the flowers start to bloom, and the mother’s day gift guides come out of the woodwork.  You know what I want for Mother’s Day?  To not be a mother for the day, that’s what I want.  Anyway, I saw an article this morning on Buzzfeed titled “19 Practical Mother’s Day Gifts for Moms Who Are Hard To Shop For.”  Here is the link because honestly it is worth checking out just for the sheer amount of WTF involved:

Mother’s Day Gift Guide – Buzzfeed

If you don’t feel like clicking on the link to see the 19 items for yourself, let me break some of my favorites down for you.

  • They list a squatty potty.  They suggest you buy your mom a stool to rest her feet and legs on while she is going to the bathroom.  Is there anything that can adequately express the love you have for your mom more than a poop stool?
  • A really good umbrella.  If someone buys me an umbrella for Mother’s Day I think I would snap it open into their face to be honest.
  • An extra long i-Phone charger.  Because nothing says I love you mom more than an extension cord.
  • A butter saver.  Literally a piece of plastic to put on the end of the stick of butter in the fridge.  So the mom in your life can be reminded that she lives with savages who cut pieces of butter off and leave it opened in the fridge.  That’s what we all want for Mother’s Day.
  • My personal favorite: a sunrise alarm clock.  Apparently this clock emits light to slowly wake you up from sleep.  You know what else wakes us up from sleep?  OUR DAMN KIDS.  WE DON’T WANT AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE TO WAKE US UP WHEN WE ALREADY HAVE THE HUMAN FORMS OF AN ALARM CLOCK.
  • A pair of “cushy knee pads.”  The writer of the list wrote “good for anyone who does chores.”  ANYONE WHO DOES CHORES?!  Happy Mother’s Day, mom!  Here are some knee pads for all of the chores you do.  Instead of me doing the chores on this day of love and recognition, I’ll just get you some hideous cushions to put on your knees to make your Cinderella days a little bit easier.  COME. ON.

You know what we want for Mother’s Day?  Peace and quiet.  SERIOUSLY.  Take the kids and GO.  If your kids are older perhaps you want to spend time with them and to that I say take your mom out to brunch or something.  Pay the check.  Get her a gift certificate to get her hair and nails done.  But for the love of God, don’t buy her a STOOL TO SHIT ON.

Those Magic Moments

Charlotte has woken up every day since Sunday before 6 AM. This is a problem simply because nobody wants to be awake this early. And every morning she says “why is it still dark out if we not sleeping anymore?” And I have to stop myself from screaming in frustration.

I was especially irritable this morning because she wanted me to set up her tent and watch her fling her toys over it and I was tired and needed to get ready for work and not watch Catboy go flying into the wall. I told her I had to get ready and since I had some extra time decided to do my makeup at home instead of at red lights in my car (I know, I knowwwww).

She came to investigate and then asked for a makeup brush because she said she had to do her makeup too. And then for the next five minutes she watched me in the mirror and copied with I was doing with a giant blush brush. When we were done she said “oh mommy you look so beautiful! I look beautiful too?” And that right there is the magic, man. It’s like some force knows when you’re about to break and sends you this small moment where nothing special is actually happening but in fact everything special is happening. I just have to remember to hold on tighter to the magic sometimes. Especially if she keeps waking up at 5:30.