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I was reading a book in the car a couple of weeks ago and Charlotte asked me what I was doing.  When I told her I was reading, she asked me why I wasn’t saying anything.  I was confused for a minute, because it never occurred to me that she associates reading only with reading out loud, because that is how everything is read to her.  I explained what I was doing and she seemed satisfied and didn’t bring it up again.

Last night I was reading The Giraffe and the Pelly and Me to her when she interrupted me to bring up the car reading.  “How do you read to yourself?  How do you know the words if you don’t say the words?”  Sometimes her questions truly baffle me.  I’ve never actually thought to myself how to explain reading alone!  I told her to think of her name, but only in her head, and say the name in her head.  She proceeded to say Charlotte out loud, so the exercise didn’t work.  I repeated that reading to yourself is just saying everything inside your head, and then she said “OK, I’m just confused now so can you keep reading to me but say the words outside your head not inside your head?” and so I did.  I guess I don’t have all the answers or explanations at the ready.

I like to write down moments like this for me to look back on later.  It wasn’t anything momentous or exciting, but I think in 15 years I’ll have a laugh about how one night I couldn’t figure out how to explain reading.

No More Presents?

In case anyone is wondering, Charlotte is NOT happy that Christmas is over and her birthday isn’t until the end of February because that means the presents are officially over.  She asked me what holiday was next and I said MLK day on January 15 and she asked what presents she gets then.  I think she’s a little too hung up on presents if you ask me.

I will say that she is actively using every single gift she got, which is a welcome sight.  She paints and colors every single day at her new art desk, she plays with her Barbies and the Barbie dream house on the daily, she zooms around the house on her scooter (she doesn’t like the way it sounds on the concrete outside so she won’t use it there, WTF?)  and we play all of the board games and read all of the books she got.  It’s nice to see her enjoying everything she received, to be happy with it, and to leave me the hell alone.

I’m finally at a point in this pregnancy where I don’t feel like I’m going to fall over every second of the day from pain and exhaustion.  I’ve been exercising consistently, which is hilarious because I basically stopped exercising the entire summer and now that I can’t lose any weight I’ve started up again?  Oh well.  At least it makes me feel better as I watch the scale creep up and watch my body change.  And it makes me feel stronger and has really helped my pelvic pain.  But I’ve decided I’m not going to worry about it because I’m growing a human, which is the coolest thing my body can do, and I’ll lose the weight when it’s over.  I have been trying very hard since the end of the holiday season to make sure I’m eating tons and fruits and vegetables but the damage from Christmas is done.  Baby girl and I enjoyed our cake and cookies and cheese and more cheese.  Charlotte enjoyed her presents, I enjoyed my cheese, and neither one of us are getting anymore.

It’s that lovely time of year where nobody knows what day it is and Christmas feels like a lifetime ago even though it hasn’t even been a week.  I am in a fog of gifts and leftovers and cleaning and trying to organize the house so the mountains of gifts don’t take over everything and let me just say that doing this all sober is NOT FUN.  I did not think I would miss alcohol this much.  Sure, I missed alcohol when I was pregnant with Charlotte, but this time around I would suck a sponge filled with Listerine to get some of this holiday edge off.  Cleaning up Barbie shoes 600 times a day would be easier with a glass or three of champagne.  This is going to be the longest six months of my life.

Charlotte really did love Christmas though, even though she immediately pointed out that she did not receive a new bike.  I told her Santa said he was going to leave the bike for her birthday because it is winter time and she can’t ride it anyway, so she’s taken to riding her new scooter in the house as consolation.  Her favorite gift is the Barbie dream house and she will honestly go into her room and play with it alone for an hour, which is a DREAM for me.  I love when she play alone because it gives me time to clean the kitchen/bathrooms, vacuum and mop the floors and wipe down the cabinets.  You know, quality me time.

I am honestly ready for the holiday hullabaloo to be over though.  I want to be back to a routine and settled down for the misery of winter that is to come.

If anyone is participating in Dry January, I’m your girl!  Happy new year.  New year, new me, blah blah blah.

Yule Log Kids

We’re at the point in the holiday season (is it even a season right now?  It just feels like a race with a deadline at the end of it.  Yeesh.) where threats to Santa just aren’t working.  The attitude of my child is astounding.  The talking back really makes me wonder if she has a death wish.  And every time I yell “Alexa! Call Santa!” she stares at me with a daring look in her eyes.  She’s mocking me.

Last night I was really done so I told her how every Christmas morning when we open presents we watch the Yule Log on TV.  The Yule Log is the backdrop to all of my Christmas mornings.  I told her about the Christmas songs and the fireplace.  And then I told her the purpose of the Yule Log is because it is where Santa puts all of the presents of the bad children on Christmas Eve night, and the good children watch them burn as they open up their gifts the next morning.  And that if she didn’t get her act together she was going to be a Yule Log kid.  When she went to sleep she apologized for talking back to me and that she didn’t want to be a Yule Log kid.  So it worked, and that’s that.

Please feel free to spread this threat.  I’m actually pretty proud of myself for thinking of it so quickly.  Sometimes the ideas just come to me, you know?  Like I always say, fear is Christmas magic.

News News News

Well where do I begin?  As most of you know by now, I’m knocked up.  Girl numero dos is on the way, arriving June 2020.  We have a name and a story to go with the name but I’m not ready to share yet.  I will share that I already feel enormous, am suffering from posterior pelvic pain and Charlotte makes up songs about “mommy fat” daily.  It’s been fun!  So fun!  In all seriousness, I’m thrilled to be pregnant again and even though I am nervous and afraid and already filled with anxiety about life with two, I’m ready for baby snuggles and baby stretches and seeing Charlotte as a big sister.  It’ll be fine.  Totally fine.  Easy breezy.  If this kid doesn’t sleep I’ll jump off the roof.

In other news, we took Charlotte to her first movie on Saturday and we didn’t have to leave!  Eric and I checked out how many people bought tickets to a 4:40 showing of Frozen 2, and when we saw only 4 tickets were purchased we bought seats way in the back so we were away from everyone.  Charlotte did not appreciate previews and wasn’t a fan of the seat because it moved.  She made sure to say this 500 times, and eventually just made her way into my lap for most of the movie.  Aside from the 10 minute performance of Jingle Bells she just had to give, telling us she doesn’t like movies because they are too long and asking to go home a few times, for most of it she was good!  And we made it through to the end.  She told me her favorite part was “Kristoff relaxing where you saw his feet” which is a part I certainly don’t remember but I’m glad it stuck out in her mind.  The only issue now is she is harping on dead parents because Anna and Elsa have dead parents and she keeps asking me who is going to be her mom and dad when Eric and I die and is continually bringing up my death, so maybe the movie wasn’t the best idea after all?  Ah well, Eric and I thoroughly enjoyed it and now we know we can take her to a movie.

COUNTDOWN TO CHRISTMAS IS ON! I called Santa this morning because Charlotte screamed at me that I was the worst mother ever because I wouldn’t let her have a chocolate coin for breakfast.  And then I ate a chocolate coin for breakfast.

Elf Games

If you happen to follow me on Instagram, you’ll notice that every morning I post a photograph or video of where I have hidden our Elf, Baci, with a musical theme.  If you happen to follow my husband Eric, you will notice that he does that same thing, with a different photo and song choice.  Every day we come up with the idea of where the Elf is going to go and then we fight over what song we’re going to use and who has a better idea.  He won the My Little Pony round with “Pony” by Ginuwine, but I won the Mission Impossible round.  Every day we are trying to come up with something more ridiculous and extravagant.  Every day we try to see who gets better reactions.  THIS IS WHO WE HAVE BECOME.  WE SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF OURSELVES.

Charlotte likes to look at Baci once in the morning and then forgets about it.  Eric and I can’t forget about it.  How can we ever stop thinking about Baci when we still have two weeks of ideas we need to come up with?  Remember two years ago when all I did was talk shit about the elf?  WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME?

Eric goes back to work next week though, so the Elf is going to become my sole responsibility again and therefore I will always win with clever ideas.  Sorry Eric.

Things Charlotte Dislikes: Holiday Edition

  1. That she can’t touch Baci, her elf on the shelf.  She stares sooooo hard at him with her little hand itching to reach out and grab him.  I’ve really instilled the fear though.  I love when she does something wrong and she starts chanting under her breath “don’t tell Baci don’t tell Baci.”  FEAR IS CHRISTMAS MAGIC.
  2. That baby Jesus isn’t a girl.  She’s real pissed about this one.  She is not about boy babies at ALL.  When she plays with her nativity set she gets all aggravated that Jesus has to be a boy and she can’t change it.
  3. That she can’t eat all her of Advent chocolate in one shot.  Opening one door a day is an act in patience she does not want to master.  She got around it though, because Eric also has an advent calendar, so she just eats his chocolate.
  4. That I told her she isn’t allowed to change her Santa list or continue to add things because Santa closed his workshop AND THAT IS IT.  The wish list is finito.  The elves are done.
  5. That she has to wait another 22 days for it to be Christmas morning.  I remember how slow December felt when I was a kid, so I get this.
  6. That the Christmas colors are red and green.  As she says, red and green are NOT her favorite colors.  Pink, purple and blue are.
  7. That I yell at her when she tries to move the ornaments on the tree 500 times a day and puts 4 ornaments on one branch and tells me “you never let me do anything I want” and “ARIEL AND JACK SKELLINGTON WANT TO BE NEXT TO EACH OTHER” and “you are the worst mommy ever.”  And then I grab Baci and shove him in her face.  FEAR IS CHRISTMAS MAGIC.

The Lion King

Now that our household has the glory that is Disney+ I thought it was time to start exploring some of the Disney classics with Charlotte.  She’s been wanting to watch Sleeping Beauty for a while so we put it on but she told me it was boring 10 minutes in.  She wasn’t wrong – I was bored too.  So on Saturday when she was a bit under the weather, I decided it was time to watch The Lion King.

I put it on and she asked the usual questions.  Who is that, who is this, how old is he, when was he born, where does he live, is Jabba the Hutt going to be on Pride Rock.  THE USUAL.  Then we got to ” I Just Can’t Wait To Be King” and she tried to sing it immediately (she kept singing “oh I just can’t wait to be there”) and then it was time.  You know what time I mean.  It was time for Mufasa to die.  Anyone who has seen this movie knows how heart wrenching this is.  I start to cry the second the stampede starts.  I cry harder when Scar digs his nails into Mufasa’s paws and sneers “long live the king.”  I cry the hardest when Simba goes up to Mufasa’s dead body and asks him to wake up and then curls up under him.  IT IS TOO MUCH I TELL YOU. TOO MUCH.  So I was a little worried about how Charlotte was going to handle this.  It went like this:

“Wait, he’s DEAD?”

“Well okay.  He’s dead then.  At least he’s still got a mother.”

“Can we watch the singing part again?  Is Jabba the Hutt coming to Pride Rock?”

AT LEAST HE’S STILL GOT A MOTHER?!  WELL HE’S DEAD THEN?!  I’m raising a straight psychopath!  Not a hint of emotion!  Not one tear!  She seemed to be annoyed with me that I was crying!  AND ALWAYS WITH THE JABBA THE HUTT!

I’m sure it’s the age and perhaps we will revisit this movie when she’s older so she can properly grieve for Mufasa, but COME ON.  I should show her The Fox and The Hound to really get her going, but that will just destroy me more than I’d like.  She’d probably just ask me when Jabba the Hutt was coming on anyway.

Hello Again!

It’s been so long since I’ve last written.  It’s not for lack of material – we’ve had Halloween parades and trick or treating, school homework fights (WHYYYY), new bed adventures – so many things!  I’ve just been busy or tired and didn’t want to write just for the sake of writing.  But, here I am!  Back again!

In news that isn’t really news since I have said it SO MANY TIMES BEFORE – Eric and I have decided that it is time for Charlotte to go to bed in her own room every night.  Yes, she is almost 5 years old and we are still discussing bedtime struggles.  I know, I KNOW.  But, we’ve been consistent with making her start her night in there.  She isn’t fighting me on going to bed (not for the most part anyway) but she has yet to stay an entire night in her room.  She told me she doesn’t like it because green isn’t her favorite color anymore.  You’ll recall we painted her room green when we bought our house last year because green was her favorite color and she picked it out herself.  Now she wants a room that is pink and purple.  Because of course she does.  I told her if she sleeps in her room all night for an entire month I’ll repaint it however she wants.  This is an empty promise because I am quite certain it will never happen.  I ordered her a new mattress that is supposed to be really good and comfortable and I’m going to get her new sheets and pillows and hope this helps.  At least Eric will be comfortable when he inevitably sleeps in there.

The person who is suffering the most though, is me.  Because now I’m waking up thinking I hear her, or thinking she fell out of bed, or just wondering when she’s going to start screaming, because I’ve been stockholm syndromed.  It’s like I have a newborn again.  WHAT A TIME.

In unrelated news, I CANNOT wait to decorate for Christmas.  I am itching to put my tree up.  I bought a 6 foot inflatable Santa Claus for the lawn.  I. AM. READY.  I’ve started listening to Christmas music already and I am loving the Starbucks holiday cups.  It is REALLY the little things, am I right?

Hope you guys missed me!

Lizzo is Good for the Children

We’re finally at the age where Charlotte is no longer requesting the Hot Dog song in the car and is now requesting music that I enjoy as well.  There are still times when I have to listen to the PJ Masks soundtrack on repeat, but for the most part she’s made herself a running playlist of songs she likes.  Here are the current favorites:

  • Paper Rings by Taylor Swift
  • You Need to Calm Down by Taylor Swift
  • Get Another Boyfriend by the Backstreet Boys
  • Ooh, Aah, Just a Little Bit by Gina G
  • Truth Hurts by Lizzo
  • Good as Hell by Lizzo

Currently, Lizzo is the front runner.  Yesterday I saw her playing with her Barbies going “WHY MEN GREAT TIL THEY GOTTA BE GREAT!”  She knows most of the words to Truth Hurts.  I mean, is it the best song for her to listen to?  Probably not.  But she proudly sings “I JUST TOOK A DNA TEST TURNS OUT I’M 100% THAT” and stops singing, because she KNOWS.  So it isn’t like this is the worst thing to happen in the history of parenting.  I also find it very inspiring when she starts in with “I do my hair toss, check my nails, baby how you feelin’? FEELING GOOD AS HELL!”  She sings it with such conviction.  She IS feeling good as hell.  She tosses her hair AND checks her nails!!! Lizzo is good for the children.

In March she’s got her week to be student of the week, and one of the days she gets to bring in her favorite song.  I will die if she chooses a Lizzo song.  I’ll have to find a clean version.  I’m the best mom.