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Good Days

I feel like lately I’ve turned a corner with Charlotte.  It seems like our good days are seriously outweighing the bad days, and that makes me so happy.  Does she still frustrate me to the point of an apoplectic meltdown sometimes?  Of course!  Do I still dream of her one day sleeping by herself? Always.  But we are on such a good path that I’m afraid that even writing about it will jinx it, but I want to document the good just as much as I document the bad.

She’s eating so much better than she has in the past.  I mean, she’s eating the same things over and over again, but she’s EATING.  She has fully potty trained herself and the only time we put on pull ups is at night, but she’s waking up totally dry.  The potty training really made things better, especially because we didn’t even have to do anything.  She just decided she was done with diapers, and thank god for that.

The conversations we have with her are fantastic.  She genuinely makes me laugh every day.  She actually asks and answers questions thoughtfully, and I no longer feel like I have to decipher the things she says.  I love that she is more independent and chatty but is still totally into cuddling all the time.  I melt every time she says “mommy hold me, hold meeeee.”  Even if she says it at 2 AM.  I don’t love that she sleeps with us all the time, but I can’t deny that I try to see the good in it because she won’t be sleeping with us forever.  I hope.

I love watching her play.  Last night she said all of her puppies were hungry, and she kept going into her room to make them food on her toy kitchen and bringing it out to feed them.  She names her animals the dumbest things, like sissy and “eeta”, whatever the hell that means, but I laugh at the way she says it.  She was playing with her Frozen figures last night and all Eric and I kept hearing was “Elsa saveeeee me!!” and then she would have Anna respond with, “I cant, I don’t feel well.”  I mean, CORRECT GRAMMAR PEOPLE.

These are the days, man.  I can’t believe she’s going to be 3 in 3 weeks.  But I am really loving this time.

That is, until the threenagers hit.

Here’s To You Mamas

Too often I find myself focusing on the stuff I’ve done wrong as a mom than the stuff I’m doing right.  It’s so much easier to focus on the negatives, especially when you’re able to sit behind your phone or computer and see how every other mom is outperforming you.  I’ll see photos of a kid sleeping in their bed and immediately think how I’m screwing up because Charlotte still sleeps with me, instead of focusing on the fact that she is actually sleeping instead of waking up 10 times a night.  I’ll see comments on this food group I’m a member of on Facebook about how someone’s two year old is just loving a chicken curry soup while I’m feeding mine her third bowl of macaroni and cheese.  But what I forget is that every mom is fighting a battle with their kid that may be different from my own.  And maybe we all need to just focus on the stuff that’s actually going right in our crazy lives and give ourselves a break.

So here’s to you, mamas.  Give yourself a pat on the back for keeping your kids alive.  Here’s to you for waking up every time they need you, whether it be for a bottle or just because they’re scared.  Here’s to you for buying the groceries, making the dinner and keeping your house in some semblance of working order.  Here’s to you for holding down a full time job at work and at home.  Or for somehow staying home with your kids all day long without any breaks and managing to keep a smile on your face.  Here’s to you for making doctor appointments and going to soccer practice or mommy and me groups.  Here’s to you for drinking lukewarm coffee every morning because we no longer have the time to sit and enjoy a hot cup.  Here’s to you for knowing that it’s totally okay and perfectly acceptable to complain about your kids.  We love them, but we don’t always have to like them.  Here’s to knowing that it’s acceptable to roll your eyes every time someone says “enjoy it now, because it goes by so fast.”  We know it goes by so fast and sometimes, we’d like for this phase to go a little faster, thank you very much.  But it’s also okay to be sad with the knowledge that the days are long but the years are short.

Here’s to you, mamas, for always putting everyone else before yourself.  Even if you think you’re failing, you’re doing the best job you can do.  Honestly, as long as you aren’t letting your kids eat Tide Pods, I think you’re succeeding a lot more than you realize.

Mom Level : No Longer Giving a Sh*t

Saturday night on our way home from my cousin’s house, Charlotte started coughing and then proceeded to vomit all over herself.  In her hair, on the iPad, everywhere.  This isn’t our first car vomit rodeo.  The last time I was in hysterics almost as bad as she was.  This time?  Well as she was hysterical and sobbing “it was a accident! get the pukey pukes off of me!” I just said, “well sweetie, we’re on the highway and you’re just going to have to wait until I get off the exit.”  And when we pulled over I just draped her in a blanket and got the puke off the iPad so she could go back to using it.  And then when we got home I had to take a bath with her, because of course I did.  And because my level of no longer giving a shit has hit the highest bar, I took the vomit covered car seat and threw it in the garbage and ordered a new one off of Amazon.  Because I am SO OVER cleaning vomit off a car seat.  It is not worth it.  So thanks, Amazon Prime.  Thanks for giving me the easy way out.

I am so over it.

The Art of Negotiation

I never thought I’d need to brush up on my negotiation skills to interact with an almost 3 year old, but here we are. Charlotte tries to negotiate every aspect of her life. What clothes she wears, what she eats, how much she eats, when she goes to bed. I wouldn’t say everything is a fight, but everything is certainly a deal in the making with her. She will tell me that if she has to wear pants, then she’s going to wear a nightgown as a shirt. She’ll tell me that if she has to eat dinner, then she needs to have an ice pop after. If she has to go to bed, then she’s going to watch “two more minutes” of Trolls.

Last night we went to the diner for dinner. Since my grandpa died three years ago I’ve decided to celebrate his birthday with Charlotte and Eric by eating waffles and ice cream like I had with him on his very last birthday. Charlotte, of course, took this to mean that she was having ice cream for dinner. On the car ride there she said she was getting “nilla with frinkles” and I told her hell to the NO. Then she started her negotiations.

“I have crackers, then ice cream.”

I told her she can have noodle soup.


I said then no ice cream.

“Ok ok ok. I have crackers, then a yittle but of soup, THEN ice cream. Deal?”

And then she makes me shake her hand and do a pinky promise in which she kisses her pinky and makes me kiss my pinky. This is how every deal she makes ends. I have no idea who taught her this because it certainly wasn’t me.

BUT, she ate her crackers and her soup! Eric taught her to dip the crackers into the soup too and she loved that. It makes me gag, but at least I got chicken and vegetables into her body.

At least the kid keeps her end of the deal.

The Disadvantages to Potty Training

I want to know why we put so much pressure on ourselves to potty train our children as quickly as possible.  Is it because we don’t like to pay for diapers, or is it because we find some sort of sick pride in being able to say “oh little Tommy was potty trained by 18 months!” Whatever it is, I think there are some disadvantages to having our kids out of diapers and I’ve got the perfect example.

Last week when I was driving to Staten Island with Charlotte, she announced that she had to pee on the Belt Parkway.  This would never have been an issue if she was in a diaper, but because she now wears underwear it quickly became a code red emergency.  So I did what any normal mother would do in this situation being far from a bathroom.  I pulled over on the side of the ride and tried to get my child to pee into a cup in the backseat.  Oh, is this not what you would have done?  Yeah, probably not my finest moment.  However, I will forever get a chuckle remembering Charlotte’s face while I held a cup between her legs in the backseat of my car.  Her eyes as wide as saucers, screaming at me that she didn’t have to pee anymore.  And so I decided then that if she peed herself, I’d deal with it, because I couldn’t find a gas station or anything like that in the vicinity.

But THEN, miraculously, there was a shopping center with a Dunkin’ Donuts and a diner.  We shuffled out of the car and ran into Dunkin first, where Charlotte yelled at the man behind the counter, “I gotta go peepee!” and he informed us that there was no restroom.  So to the diner we went, where the sign said “restrooms are for customers only.”  But, bless the man’s heart, as Charlotte continued to scream “I gotta go peepee!” he let us through.  And then she danced around the diner because the Justin Timberlake song from Trolls was playing on the radio and she was pretty excited about that.  Crisis averted!

Honestly, diapers weren’t so bad.

Last night Charlotte woke up at midnight completely congested and acting like a real a-hole.  She wanted a Mickey ba (when doesn’t she want a Mickey ba?) and I had to pee, but she followed me into the bathroom and crawled on top of me on the toilet in the dark and screamed her congested little head off.  Then she decided we were sleeping on the couch the rest of the night with NO pillows.  She threw the pillows across the room in a fit of toddler rage.  I guess I should be thankful she acquiesced to a blanket.  She went back to sleep fairly quickly and stayed asleep for the most part.  There were some moans and congested coughs, while I stayed half awake all night checking her for a fever and praying this wouldn’t spiral into some sort of horrific illness.  I woke up, before my alarm, with a sore back and all of my post-vacation exhaustion back in full force.

When she woke up I was in the kitchen, and I heard her humming the tune to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”  When I walked in the living room she looked up at me, stretched her arms out and said: “oh what a nice nap we had!” and came over to hug and kiss me and tell me she was ready to pee.  And while I’ve been feeling pretty down about being home in the cold in January, I realized this motherhood thing isn’t so bad when you’ve got a little person who loves you ALL the time and says adorable things like that when she wakes up.  Not so bad at all.

Vacation All I Ever Wanted

If there is one thing I can recommend to you moms out there, it’s to take a vacation with your BFF, ASAP.  Look, I know quality time with your kids is important.  I know quality time with your husband is important.  Please, take as much of that quality time as you can.  But a girls only trip will do wonders for your mental state.  You will laugh like you haven’t laughed in the longest time.  You will sleep in a bed, alone, uninterrupted by anyone else’s body touching yours.  You will eat without worrying about feeding anyone else and drink way too many coco loco’s.  Our 30th birthday trip to Punta Cana was probably one of the greatest trips I’ve ever taken in terms of fun and mental clarity.  There is something to be said that reading next to your friend in a hotel room in bath robes for 4 hours can be the best time for you.  And then drinking like you’re 21 again the following day, even if you are both throwing up and passed out by 9 PM.

I missed Charlotte of course.  But I didn’t really, if you know what I mean.  I needed this time to myself.  To just sit on the balcony overlooking the ocean without worrying about anything.  Was I excited to see her when I got home?  Of course I was.  But am I also slightly depressed that the carefree ocean days are behind me, too? OF COURSE I AM.  But the funny thing is, yesterday we had such a great family day, just me, Char & Eric, and I think I would have taken it for granted if I didn’t just come off of such a great trip.  So please, get yourselves a babysitter and get away with your girls ASAP.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be perusing Expedia to look for an October trip to Vegas with my husband.  See, quality time FOR ALL.

January Musings

GUYS GUYS GUYS.  Charlotte has been in underwear since Thursday!!  What a glorious miracle!  We even went OUT OF THE HOUSE for HOURS in underwear with no accidents!  Okay, so she may have crapped herself like a dog yesterday but STILL.  One accident! We are winning over here!  Maybe we’ll be a diaper free house by the time she is 3! Which, holy shit, is approaching at a RAPID rate.  I can’t believe my little chicken is going to be 3 years old in less than 2 months.  That is so crazy to me.  I’m going to have so many questions for the doctor at her checkup.  Such as, is it normal that all she consumes is macaroni and butter, life cereal and cheerios with the occasional piece of fruit?  Is ice cream considered healthy because it is made with milk and milk is dairy and dairy is good for bones?  Will she ever stop her obsession with her “mickey ba?” or are we going to be going to school begging the teacher to “TAKE YA EARRING OFF” so she can tug on the teacher’s ear lobe as she ingests copious amounts of milk?  The doctor will probably kick me out of the examining room with a shrug of her shoulders and a bleak “good luck to you with this one.”  Ah well, we’ve got time.

In other news, I’m going to Punta Cana in TWO DAYS.  TWO DAYS!!!!!  48 hours from now  I will be en route on the plane drinking bloody mary’s with my best friend.  I don’t believe there is a word in the English language, or any language for that matter, that can properly express the excitement I have for this trip.  Is it weird that I’m not really too upset about missing my child for 5 days?  Should I be sad or worried?  Maybe the worry will hit me when I get to the airport, but I highly doubt it.  Char is difficult with a capital D, and this mama needs a break.  This mama will have sun and sand and drinks and SLEEP.  This mama will be able to eat a meal without worrying about getting some sort of nutrient in someone else’s body.  This mama won’t have to pour milk into a mickey ba and have her ears assaulted for FIVE DAYS.  This mama WON’T HAVE TO BE A MAMA!!!  I am certain I will miss her, but I am also certain that feeling will go away once I get a pina colada in my hand and my toes in the sand.  She’ll be in good hands the whole time and she’ll just be extra happy to see me when I get home.  But we are not thinking about the trip home yet, oh no we are not.


A New Year

It’s a new year, and with the change of the calendar comes the same old bullshit from my daughter.  Here’s a current list of things she hates to start off 2018:

  • Pants
  • Coats
  • A zipped up coat once I wrestle her into it so people don’t judge me
  • Shirts that aren’t PJ Masks shirts
  • Pajamas
  • Bath time without me being in the tub with her
  • Getting her hair washed in the bath
  • Sleep in her bed
  • Food of any kind
  • Any form of liquid that isn’t milk
  • Any cup other than “Mickey ba”
  • Being reprimanded in any way, shape, or form
  • Pillows
  • Letting me pee without her sitting on my lap

Happy New Year?

Merry Christmas!

Hey there everyone – Merry Day After Christmas! Are you all exhausted?  I am exhausted.  Between the wrapping, the unwrapping, the opening of toys (why are toys so difficult to open? Does a Barbie doll really need to have their head stapled to the box 6 times?) and the countless trips to the garbage to throw out all of the paper and cardboard, I could sleep for a week.  Not to mention the constant flow of food and drink that has been entering my mouth.  I’m currently eating a grapefruit to try and get some sort of vitamins and minerals into my body considering my only source of nourishment has come from cheese and bread and prosecco.  Ah well, tis the season!

It was definitely not the most joyous holiday after my grandpa’s passing.  I thank you all for the kind words and the thoughts and prayers for our family.  It was tough, but Christmas Eve we were able to be together with just my immediate family and have some laughs, which is what he would have wanted.  The saddest times always seemed to hit me over the littlest things, like the fact that he wasn’t putting the ice in our drinks or taking out the garbage immediately after we finished our dinner.  But he was there in spirit, and my grandma was happy to have us around her.

Eric and I stayed up to put all of Charlotte’s presents out and to set up her PJ Masks Cat Car tent, which is one gift I thought she would go crazy over.  It’s currently folded up under her bed because she really did not give two craps about it.  Isn’t it funny how we think we know what our kids will love and then they end up proving us wrong?  She is much happier with her play doh sets and her PJ Masks headquarters, and watching her play by herself always gives me joy.  Mostly because I don’t have to play with her, because playing with kids is BORING.  Yeah, I said it.

We’ve had quite the week with Charlotte being sick and not sleeping, like, at all, so I was pretty much over being anywhere near her person by yesterday afternoon.  But then Christmas magic happened, and she fell asleep next to me on the couch at 7:30 and then actually went into her bed so Eric and I could hang out and have our bed to ourselves for a few glorious hours, without a furnace of a toddler wedged between us and kicking us in the face.  CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!  I’m back at work today where I will enjoy the solace of being alone for a bit, enjoy the fruit and yogurt I packed since I’m going to try really hard not to eat any carbs until New Years Eve, and then again until PUNTA CANAAAAAAA. 15 more days until my 30th birthday trip with my best friend! Not like I’m counting or anything…

I hope you all had a beautiful holiday with your family.  I truly love seeing all of the pictures on social media of you all with your kids and your trees and decorations.  Merry, merry!