The Great Unfollow

Yesterday I went on my Instagram and started unfollowing all the accounts that do nothing for me and let me tell you, it was very liberating. The majority of them were mom and family related accounts that stopped being funny and started being too preachy. I like my mom accounts to say horrible things about their kids, you know? I don’t want to sign on to Instagram while I’m hiding from my children and see “you got this mama!” and “this too shall pass!” and “you’ll miss these days when they’re gone!” Because let me tell you, on any given day, I do NOT got this, this isn’t PASSING FAST ENOUGH and no, I don’t think I will miss the days of Mackenzie screaming like a wounded pterodactyl in IKEA loud enough that some woman muttered “Jesus Christ” as she passed us, thank you very much. I mean sure, sometimes I need a motivational quote to get me through the day, but most of the time I like to see everyone else losing their mind like I am. I want to see a mom going live from the inside of her closet binge eating Twizzlers and rocking back and forth like a psych ward patient. I want someone else to tell me that their toddler also has super long nails because she also can’t figure out a way to cut them without blood or injury. I want to see you say that this is HARD and it SUCKS and we all daydream about a solo vacation where nobody is screaming mommymommymommy. I don’t want inspirational recognition for being a “warrior” and to be reminded that “the days are long but the years are short.” I KNOW THE YEARS ARE SHORT. BUT THE MADNESS IS NEVER ENDING.

I look at Charlotte now and I can barely remember her at Mackenzie’s age. I don’t need to be reminded on Instagram about how fleeting time is. Our kids are a daily reminder of that. So when I see some crap online like, “you’ll never know the last time you pick them up is going to be the last time” I kind of want to scream. For one, I had to hold Mackenzie so long the other day that she pinched a nerve in my wrist and I could barely use it for the remainder of the day, so I kind of WISH that was the last time, you know? And two, Charlotte is almost as tall as I am and she is still launching herself on me to be held, so this isn’t over yet. My body is a constant human jungle gym. I am always holding someone or being held onto, so sue me for not wanting to be touched for a bit.

Also, I had to unfollow every single toddler food account I was following because what started out as a way to get inspiration to feed these kids has only become an absolute gut punch every time I realize Mackenzie is eating pancakes with food coloring that I have to use in order for her to eat them for the billionth time and I see kids eating a plethora of healthy, homemade meals, I would only feel bad about myself. So F that. No more toddler food accounts, this is a preservative filled zone.

Now my Instagram is filled with food, dogs, and people complaining about motherhood. All my favorite things.