I was listening to the cast recording of Six the Musical (the British one, since the Broadway version was supposed to open the night the pandemic shut the entire world down so we have yet to get a cast recording) many months ago when Charlotte asked me what the song was because she liked it. Fast forward to now when Six is the ONLY thing we listen to. And not even the entire album, just three select songs, with the finale being her favorite one. The show is nowhere near appropriate for her, but 1) I miss Broadway more than anything and 2) she doesn’t even understand the inappropriate parts. She knows every single word to the finale now considering we listen to it on loop for every car ride and she jams out in her room to it on the daily. She knows all about Henry the 8th (“he was fat and mean!”), Anne Boleyn (“she got her head chopped off, but there’s no video of it”) and learned what divorce is. Like I said, not appropriate, but whatever. She calls the songs “episodes” because she thinks everything is a TV show. It’s very cute.

So, as my Broadway loving heart began to swell with her interest in the music, I told her that when Broadway opens up again I would buy us tickets and we would go to the show just the 2 of us. (I recently learned that children under 10 are not admitted, but that is no longer an issue. You’ll see why if you keep reading.).

She was very excited and asked me if she had to be quiet, if she could get popcorn and if she’d see the head getting cut off. Yes, no, no. On our way home the other day after listening to the finale for the 950th time, I told her I’d show her a video of one of the performances so she could see the costumes and the girls who sing. I thought this would solidify her desire to see the show with me. It’s like I don’t even know my own daughter. Because none of that happened.

She didn’t give a single F about the costumes. Did not care about finally seeing the face behind the voices. Oh no, all Charlotte cared about was that they sounded different. “This doesn’t sound anything like the songs we listen to!!” Never did it occur to me she would have an issue with a live performance. I explained that live singing will never sound like a recording, that recordings are done in a professional studio and will always sound perfect. That live music and theater is special because it always sounds different! She was NOT having it. “I hate this live and I want it to sound like my songs. Turn it off.”

And so this is the tale of how I 1) saved myself a few hundred bucks on a Broadway show with an ungrateful child and 2) got away from any disappointment over the fact that she can’t see it live until she is 10 anyway.

As my cousin said, Charlotte’s gonna Char.

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