Design Flaws

I was in the shower last night putting my right boob under scalding hot water trying to get rid of another clogged milk duct when I came to the realization that the Big Man Upstairs made a serious design flaw when it comes to all things baby.

I get why things get a little strange when one is pregnant. I mean you’re growing a baby from scratch so there’s bound to be some wacky things that happen to your body. Now, if I remember correctly, God made childbirth painful to punish Eve for eating the apple in the Garden of Eden. Seems a bit extreme, but OK. I mean, I am not a fan of suffering the punishment of someone else’s screw up, but who am I to argue with God? Do I think it’s fair that it felt like my baby was coming out of my butt surrounded by 650 acid dipped knives because Eve didn’t know how to listen to directions? No, I don’t. But again, this was the punishment doled out so I guess we have to sit back and take it and maybe ask Him if he sent epidurals as a peace offering.

But NOW. Now is where the good Lord went too far. After everything I’ve already been through – and mind you I had a decent pregnancy and delivery compared to others – but even now 6 months later I am still IN PAIN. It’s like God was making the plans and said, “and you know what? When they breastfeed we’re going to make it hard. We’re going to tell them it’s easy but then we’re going to make it hard, OK? But then, even when they get the hang of it, we’re gonna make their boobs get clogged, like pipes! And it’s going to hurt! And if they can’t get the clog out, WE’RE GONNA INFECT EM!!!”

It’s very unfair. This wasn’t part of the punishment. The punishment was PAINFUL CHILDBIRTH. postpartum depression, not bleeding nipples or clogged milk ducts or mastitis. WE DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS PUNISHMENT LORD. GIVE US A BREAK! This latest clog isn’t as painful than the last one I had that I ended up on antibiotics for, but it hurts just enough to mock me.

Anyway, I am off to pack Charlotte’s lunch for today. She gets to go to school for the second time this month! And she gets to go Monday too! THREE WHOLE DAYS IN DECEMBER OH MY GOD THE LEARNING SHE IS ACCOMPLISHING.

Lol jkjk I fully expect an email from the school tonight saying they’re closed because of covid, see you never.