Hellloooooo there!

How are we all doing?  We’re on day 13 of social distancing, quarantine, self isolation, what have you, right?  I don’t even know what day it is!  I can’t remember when my last day at work was, to be honest.  Everything feels like such a blur, yet also feels like it has been years since anything felt normal.

I will say that this week has felt more normal.  This week has also gone faster than last week.  Last week I was a MESS.  I was filled with crippling anxiety and cried on an hourly basis.  But this week?  I think I’ve only cried twice!  I’d say that’s an improvement, no?

Even Charlotte seems to have accepted this new reality.  She still asks me why she can’t see her friends or go to Target, but she’s kind of put herself into her own routine, which is nice.  I’m not being a nazi home school teacher, because 1) I don’t think pre-k aged kids need it and 2) I am not a teacher, but the resources her teachers gave us have been super helpful and enjoyable.  She’s still coloring and drawing and doing little projects I give her.  She practices her writing and uses ABC Mouse and all that jazz.  It is what it is, right?  On my very good days I am happy for all of this extra time we have together before her sister arrives.  On my very bad days I want to set up a Corona Camp and send her there.  It is really a LOT.  Eric is still working because he is ESSENTIAL, so it’s me and Char, all day, every day.  And because she comes into my room every damn night,  it’s all night every night too.  So there’s only about 3-4 hours out of a 24 hour span that she isn’t near me.  Or speaking to me, because she talks in her sleep too.  UGH.

I think the worst part of all of this is not knowing when it will end.  Will it be weeks, will it be months?  Will I be able to go back to work before my maternity leave begins, or will I be house bound until I have an infant?  Will my husband even be allowed in the delivery room with me?  Am I going to have to labor with a mask on my face?  There are just so many questions that can’t be answered and for someone like me, who likes answers and likes them now, it isn’t a great combination.

But I am learning to let go of things I can’t control, which is pretty much everything going on right now.  I am trying to exercise every day, whether it be on my TV or a walk outside on a nice day.  I’m trying not to eat mindlessly because there is nothing else to do (some days are easier than others) and, most importantly, I am rationing out my viewing of Tiger King on Netflix.  Because it is the only thing that matters.

Check in with your neighbors and your loved ones.  Check in with the moms in your life.  We’re all going a bit crazy.  FaceTime dates with family and friends save us daily.  I pray this ends soon!

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