I have started writing and stopped countless times.  We are self isolating, like so much of the world, and today is only day 2 of no school.  I have been working from home since Friday and will be home until further notice.  I think the scariest part of all of this right now is the unknown.   We are all going into the unknown.  Literally and figuratively, since I’m sure we have all watched Frozen 2 with our kids 750 times since Disney+ surprise released it for desperate parents.  NYC schools are closed until *at least* April 20, with the possibility that they won’t go back at all.  Thinking about this makes me cry immediately.  To think of Charlotte just not finishing Pre-K breaks my heart.  To not see her friends again, or her teachers, or have graduation.  I know it’s worse for so many others, like special needs kids and seniors in high school and college who are ending such important chapters on such shitty notes.  But I’m still sad.  I didn’t lie to Charlotte and I told her we are home to keep everyone safe from the coronavirus.  She already knew about it before shit really hit the fan.  But she’s 5, and she doesn’t fully grasp it.  The past two days she’s asked me when she can go back to school and when we can go to Target.  She wants to know why we can’t go out of the house to go to Egger’s for ice cream or to call her friends for play dates.  She doesn’t want to do the lessons that have been given online because it isn’t the center time she is used to.  I’m so afraid her socialization is going to suffer with only me to talk to.  And I am not acing this crap either., so I’m not very fun to talk to.

I’ve seen the meme 100 times saying “Our grandparents were called to war, you’re being asked to sit on your couch.”  And I get it, but I don’t 100% agree with it.  I can’t just sit on my couch and catch up on every show on Netflix.  I have to work and I have to parent and I have to do it mostly on my own because my husband still has to go to work, which infuriates me because then my isolation feels pointless because I am being exposed anyway.  I have to worry if I’m going to be able to go to a grocery store if I need to, if anything is going to be available or if I’m going to be spending all of my money on take out.  I’m also 6 months pregnant, so my hormones are screwed up to begin with, so it is very easy for me to cry over the smallest thing.

BUT.  With all of this, I am trying to be calm.  Trying being the operative word.  I’m safe at home, I’m healthy, my family is with me.  I’m trying to focus on all of the positives even though I don’t know when all of this will end.  I never thought I’d live through anything like this.  It sounds dramatic, but I think this entire situation is warranted for dramatics.

At least we’ve got the memes.  The memes are some of the best and they are all that we have.

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