Animal House

Charlotte has gotten it into her head that she wants a pet.  I, of course, do not want a pet.  I have a hard enough time keeping all of us alive on a daily basis that it wouldn’t be fair to me or the animal to start a new routine.

One day she asks me for a dog but then says she doesn’t like dogs and she wants a cat.  I told her we will never ever EVER get a cat because I hate cats.  I don’t trust cats and I think they’re sneaky and weird and I just never want one in my house and refuse to care for an animal that would happily gouge out my eyes and eat my body if I died in the house.  I didn’t tell her this though, but if she asks me for a cat again that’s what I’m going to say.  So then she asked for a fish.  A fish I could probably handle.  I could just stick a goldfish on the kitchen counter and let her look at it every now and then until it died and then we could flush it down the toilet together because I feel like she’d enjoy that.  I told her we could get a fish, but then she said no, she wants a UNICORN.  She asked where the unicorn store was and how much they are.  I don’t have the heart to tell her that unicorns aren’t real yet so I just said they’re way too expensive and we don’t have room in our house for a unicorn.  She gave me 37 cents and told me the unicorn could live in the garage.  She’s a problem solver.

This morning she said she doesn’t want a pet anymore, she wants a brother.  And she wants to name him “Broddy” but if she can’t get a brother she wants a sister that she wants to name “Sissy” because she’s original like that.  I wish she’d go back to the fish.