And it is one I do not posses in copious amounts. I’ve written about practicing patience before and I still strive to achieve a level of zen in my life, particularly in my parenting, every day. But Lord above is it difficult.
Monday night I had a night off from parenting. I went out to a work dinner and Eric was on full daddy duty. I got home and was able to go to bed after consuming a bottle of prosecco and said to myself that on Tuesday night I would be present and patient with Charlotte because I missed a night with her and would be gone all day Tuesday at work. I truly missed her. And then Tuesday night came around and I suffered through a 2 hour commute home and my patience went out the window around the time that the E train decided it was no longer going to work because the MTA is run by a bag of dicks. Useless limp dicks too. Not good for anything. I got home much later than usual and told Eric I wasn’t cooking dinner and he was getting a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because who the hell wants to cook a meal after standing on a crowded hot train for 2 hours? NOBODY THAT’S WHO.
Char and I played with her toys, she ate half a pint of blueberries for dinner and things were going well. Then it was bath time and she decided the water should flood the bathroom floor instead of staying inside the tub. She also thought it would be a good idea to take a bucket of water and try to throw it at me. Then she started screaming her head off because she couldn’t bring the battery operated PJ Masks figures into the tub. Then she wouldn’t let me brush the dread lock-like knots in her hair and instead took the brush and threw it in the toilet. Then we got in bed and she wanted to watch some stupid video on my phone and cried like a psycho when I explained to her we don’t watch videos before bed. I had to wait a full five minutes for her to calm down and then she asked me to play “Part of Your World” from The Little Mermaid. And we listened to this song for 35 minutes. You know, when I was her age this was my favorite song. My dad has a cassette tape of me singing to it at the top of my lungs. This was MY JAM. And because children ruin everything in life you have ever loved, she has now ruined this song for me. Nobody needs to listen to Ariel this many times in a row.
We continued the nighttime saga by her moving around in bed every 7 seconds while announcing to me that she was moving. Like the constant body flailing isn’t bad enough, she now needs to narrate it as well. And all the while I was laying there thinking what a shit person I was because I said I would be patient with her because I missed out on Monday night but all I wanted to do was get the hell out of that room so I could go watch Chopped.
Ugh, parenting is so hard. SO SO HARD. But all I can do is try and be better every day right? Take it one day at a time. Maybe one day I’ll be blessed with Mother Teresa like patience.