I have never been a fan of the horror genre.  I can barely watch commercials for scary movies and then go to bed without thinking about the commercial and becoming convinced that a serial killer/clown/demon/possessed doll will come get me in the middle of the night.  I still haven’t recovered from The Sixth Sense and I saw that movie 15 years ago.  I watched only the first 30 minutes of The Exorcist and I lost years off of my life.  So I really try to stay away from all things horror.  Except now I’m afraid of the one thing I can’t get away from.  My daughter.

You all know we have upgraded to the “big girl bed” aka the biggest waste of money in the land.  I get Char to go to sleep there but she never stays in the bed, even though I promise her everything under the sun if she will stay.  I don’t shut the door to her room completely because it’s still warm in my house and I want her to get some cross ventilation and all that.  So every night when I go to bed, I leave my door open and her door open.  I’m going to have to stop doing this because this child is scaring the shit out of me.  Every night, without fail, she gets out of her bed in complete silence.  I know it is complete silence because I have the baby monitor turned up to super mega volume so I can hear her escape.  I never, ever, ever hear her escape.  She wakes me up by standing next to my bed with her wild hair covering her face and quietly saying “mommy, mommy, mommy” until I wake up and have a friggin’ heart attack.  She looks like the girl from the movie The Ring.  You know the one, with the white dress who climbs out of the TV and murders the shit out of you.  Char is usually in a night gown, slumped over, hair in her face, in the dark, staring eye level at me.  It is so unsettling.  I wish she’d stop, or at least scream out to me at night and wait for me to come get her or something.

So every night really IS a horror show now.  I go to bed thinking of how I’m going to be woken up by The Ring girl that is actually just my child.  I didn’t think bedtime could get anymore nightmarish.  I’m always wrong.

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