Charlotte is almost two and a half years old (WHAT).  Being two and a half years old means constantly walking an emotional tight rope.  On the one hand she can be loving and sweet and funny, and on the other hand she could be an actual screaming banshee who loses her mind over nothing.  Here are a few examples of the fights I have recently had with my daughter.  My house is fight club.

  • In her Mickey Mouse Clubhouse book, we lift the flap to find daisy flowers.  We count them.  There are four flowers.  She insists there are five flowers.  I try to correct her and point out that there are four.  She screams at the top of her lungs that there are five flowers.  And because I am insane, I try to tell her there are four once again.  And so it goes, until she is crying and I am somehow believing there are five flowers and I just can’t see that fifth one.
  • Last night she wanted the Ring O’Noodles soup.  She was begging me for O’s.  So I get out the pot to make them but she starts screaming that she doesn’t want me to make it.  Then she screams that she wants O’s.  I tell her if she wants the soup that I have to cook it.  “No cook it! No make it!” And so I go to put the pot away, but then she takes it out and screams she wants O’s.  Then I go to put water in the pot to tell her I have to make them and they won’t just appear by magic and she screams louder and grabs the pot from me to put it back in the cabinet.  There are no words for this.  This is the definition of insanity.  I ended up distracting her with bread and butter while I made the O’s in case you were wondering.
  • Every day after her bath she sits on the couch naked in her towel and screams at me: “NO DIAPER! NO JAMAS!” and flails her legs around.  I usually get a few kicks to the face during this ordeal.  She always gives in so I’m not 100% sure why we need to have a physical altercation over this every single night.
  • This morning she had an apoplectic stroke over a Kotex pad.  Because she has to be in the bathroom with me she saw me putting one on and freaked. the. hell. out.  Look kid, mommy isn’t a fan of having a period either, but no period = more of you and there is nothing worse than that in my humble opinion.

Have kids they said.  It will be fun they said.


  1. Pahahahahaha!! Too funny!! i think we have the same kid, mine is just turning 2 though.And she’s a little A’hole at times.We had a fight yesterday morning as she took her own sock off, then stood at the bottom of the stairs screaming, stomping that she ‘needs’ her sock back on. It was a dirty sock for a start. She wouldn’t come up the stair and I wouldn’t go down the stair. On this (rare) occasion I won, she lost, eventually sobbing her way up to meet me. I wasn’t being mean, I was trying to get dresses for work!
    She has also started the, I want X, they when you get X she shouts NO!! I ahve no idea why they do this! Drive me batshit insane! Have kids indeed!


      1. Oh don’t worry, I am under no illusion at all. My only fear it that some time soon one of us cracks and shouts ‘there can be only one!’ while impaling the other. I’m not sure who it will be though 😀


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