When I came home from Hershey Park, I brought back 3 bags of chocolate and 2 extra pounds. Yesterday I was sitting on the couch with Charlotte eating my third miniature dark chocolate bar when I got disgusted with myself and said out loud that I was so gross and fat. And then Charlotte looked up at me and said “mama fat?” I quickly said I was making a joke and played it off and she went back to playing with her toys. But then I couldn’t get that moment out of my head. Because for one, I know I’m not fat. And two, would it really matter if I was? Our society is SO obsessed with being thin and berating ourselves when we don’t eat healthy food and working out 7 days a week and we are clearly projecting this on our kids without us even realizing it. If I eat a bacon cheeseburger and say how bad I’m being, what does that show Charlotte? That to be good you should only consume vegetables (which she already does not) and you’re a bad person if you indulge in not so healthy items?
Charlotte is picking up on everything now, and I really don’t want her to pick up on the bad body habits that have already been ingrained into my head. Of course I want her to be healthy and make healthy choices, but I want her to do that for HER and not because she thinks if she eats a salad and stays at a certain weight her life will be better. Life is actually better when you throw some bacon cheeseburgers in there in my honest opinion. I want her to work out to be STRONG and not because she thinks she needs a “beach body.” Every body is a beach body. You have a body you go to the beach THAT’S A BEACH BODY. I want her to be able to skip workouts and not feel guilty about it and think she’s a failure or lazy, like I do some weeks. I don’t want her to feel pressure to buy products that claim to remove cellulite (because they won’t, and I’m pretty sure we all have cellulite so who really gives a shit, am I right?) or think she can’t wear certain things because of however her body top will be. Growing up I always had issues with the fact that I have small boobs and thunder thighs and bigger hips. Well you know what? Those small boobs nourished a life for 22 damn months, and those thunder thighs and big hips helped push out a human. Our bodies were made to actually do things, not just fit into a bikini or low rise jeans.
My point is, I don’t want her to think her body has to define her. I don’t want her to look at a heavier person and think they’re lazy. I don’t want her to look at a skinny person and think they’re the picture of workout perfection. I want her to look at people and see them for who they are as a person and not as a body type. And that starts with me. I want her to see me workout because I want to be strong and not skinny. I want her to watch me do yoga, not so that I can have a lean body, but so that I can perfect a crow pose. I want her to see me use weights, not so that I don’t have saggy arm skin, but so that I can lift her high over my head without breaking a sweat. I’m going to do better and be better for her. So some days I’ll eat egg whites and spinach, and other days I’ll eat pasta and chocolate, and I won’t feel bad about any of it. Life is meant to be enjoyed, and people are meant to be valued. And that’s all I’ve got to say about that.
Great post, couldn’t agree more! Get that chocolate down you! Who cares, I’v given up being worried about my post baby body. I’v grown to love my wider hips and ample twerk machine. Something I’m trying to teach to my toddler. I agree it’s so hard to be positive when we are bombarded with the ‘perfect’ image of sexy….usually on insta while I’m stuffing my face, lazing on the sofa.