Last night Charlotte got mad at me for the following reasons:

  • I could not wear her pants.  She kept trying to get me to put them on me but I am obviously not a size 2T.  She was displeased.
  • I took my glasses off to rub my eyes.  Lately she has been having a an apoplectic fit any time she doesn’t see me with my glasses on and screams in my face “GLASSES ON!”  I guess I can never get contacts.
  • The bath water was not the proper temperature for her demanding ass.  “Too cold!  Too warm! Get out!”  And then she threw a bucket of water at me to prove her point.
  • She was upset that I didn’t have pink polish on my fingernails like I do on my toenails.  Then she wanted me to paint them black and green and when I told her no she cried.  If you want to pay for my manicures kid, I’ll paint them any color you want.
  • I tried to make myself something to eat.  After feeding her a yogurt, soup, an apple & pretzels I was getting pretty hungry myself and just wanted to eat some salad.  This pissed her off.  “NO MAMA COME HERE!” I guess she just wants me to starve so I can fit into her 2T pants.
  • The itsy bitsy spider video that she requested had a purple spider and not a green spider.  Then I found a green spider but it wasn’t the correct green spider.  Do you know how many itsy bitsy spider videos there are?  How many different colored green spiders are floating around the Internets?  Do you know there are also incy wincy spider videos?  IS IT ITSY BITSY OR INCY WINCY?! WHAT IS IT! STOP THIS MADNESS!
  • It was time to go to bed.  This always pisses her off.  I really don’t know why because the time that she goes to bed can only be trumped in my favorite things in all of the world by the time that I go to bed.  BED TIME IS THE BEST TIME.
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