by Okay guys. I’m writing this for insight on your lives at home as mothers. Dads are welcome too! Whether you already raised your spawn or you are currently raising your spawn I want to hear from you.
I’ve been seeing all of these articles shared on Facebook about how child psychologists say if you yell at your kids you’re basically screwing them up for all eternity. You’re not supposed to spank them and you’re not supposed to yell at them and really all you need to do is speak to them calmly like adults and offer them touch time and some other shit that I honestly can’t remember at the moment because my kid woke up at 3:52 AM and OBVIOUSLY MY PATIENCE IS THIN.
Two problems here. The first problem is that I am from Staten Island and I am from an Italian-American family. My speaking voice IS yelling. Most people think I’m yelling when I’m actually just talking, so there’s that. The second problem is how the actual F are you supposed to keep your cool 24 hours a day 7 days a week when you’re raising a toddler that is hell bent on being difficult? How am I supposed to speak calmly to her when it is 4 AM and she is screaming at me to watch Mickey and poking me in the eyeballs viciously when I tell her I need to sleep a little more? How do you actually keep your cool when they hit other kids (this is another post for another day) or climb into the refrigerator when you are trying to make some sort dinner and knock over a shelf containing every bottle of salad dressing we own? And then trying to grab the eggs and make them herself? HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO ACT CALM I ASK YOU?!?
Obviously I don’t want to yell at my child. I don’t wake up in the morning and say TODAY IS THE DAY I WILL SCREAM AT CHARLOTTE ALL DAY LONG AND BREAK HER SPIRIT! But some days, especially when I am fucking exhausted (because of her) and I’ve had a bad commute or a difficult day at work, my fuse is shorter than others. And studies like this shared with the Internet are now only there to make me feel worse about the days where I lose my shit.
So I ask you – how do you stay calm when all you want to do is run away to Vegas and become a show girl and never return?
The Mommy Minutes 
Mmm, still working on that one!
I go through phases of having a short fuse and I can snap quickly. I do yell, but I find that it only upsets me and has very little effect on my little one – other than upsetting her. It can be difficult (impossible) but I always try to explain why something is naughty – don’t get me wrong, when the little one does the same action again I lose my shit. I try my best to focus on calm communication and usually it works, even if I have to crack out my ‘mum’ voice for her to listen.
Sometimes when she’s being a little A hole there is nothing for it but to walk away. If I start yelling then I just continue to grow more upset and more likely to really lose my mind. I need to remove my toddler from situations when I know I’m not mentally able to deal with it that day – i.e putting her to bed early. Or I just make my peace that if I let her ‘help’ in the kitchen she will empty every cupboard and be a pain in the ass.
You are in control, it’s your frame of mind and how you choose to react – so my therapist tells me. This has helped me try to be calmer when the toddler is being an asshole, sometimes you just gotta let them be and save your sanity.
Hope you find something that helps.Don’t beat yourself up about it though, toddlers are grade A assholes!! x
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I find the realest of real moms and dads in real life or internet life and read their posts about how they are also losing their ever loving minds and instantly feel better about the fact that I just gritted through my teeth “What is your deal???” to my two year old and he repeated it the whole way home.
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