My Apologies to the DJs

We’ve hit the age where Charlotte has songs to likes to listen to, and while it is adorable to hear her sing along to “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” car rides have become a nightmare in a new way.  You see, I have a portable DVD player for the car, but I try to only use it in absolute emergencies since I’m convinced I’ve rotted her brain from the inside out with all of the TV she watches at home.  So, music it is.  Thursday nights we drive to my parents, and the second we get in the car the demands begin.  My seat belt isn’t even on yet and she is screaming from the back:

“WHEEL WHEEL WHEEL MAMA WHEEL”

So we listen to “The Wheels on the Bus” about 3 times, until halfway through the third time she gets bored with it and starts sending another request my way.  I am singing/shouting along to “the babies on the bus go waa waa waa!” and she starts screeching: “MOO! QUACK! ROAR!”  After many times I’ve learned this means Old MacDonald.  So now we listen to this song a few times until the demands begin again.  Last night she started yelling for “HAPPY!” and this is where shit gets tricky, because she could want “If You’re Happy and You Know It” or she could want “Happy Birthday.”  Last night she wanted the latter, so I played it and then she started yelling at me asking for cake.  And then she cried when I couldn’t give her cake at 7:30 PM  as we drove on the Belt Parkway.  And then she got a hold of herself and demanded “FWOG FWOG SHEEP” which means I have to play “Baa-baa Black Sheep” but sing the words I made up to make it the frog song that she never stops asking me and JESUS LORD I’LL NEVER MAKE UP A SONG EVER AGAIN.

Really, the point of this post is to apologize to any DJs I know in my life.  Because driving with this kid is like I am the DJ and she is the drunk bar patron who at 3 AM won’t leave the bar and keeps screaming out terrible songs they demand to be played.  And then they scream for cake and pass out.  So I’m sorry.

I should really just put on the DVD player.