During the work week there are two times of day that are both my favorite and these times could not capture more perfectly how conflicting motherhood can be. The first time of day that I love is when I come home from work and see my little chicken waiting for me at the door. When she gives me a big hug and tells me to “sit mama, sit!” When she gives me big sloppy kisses and we play whatever game she has deemed to be her favorite of the hour. I absolutely adore this time because it reminds me what I’m working for but also that there is someone who is always happy to see me when I walk through the door.
And then my second favorite time of day is when she goes to sleep. HORRIBLE RIGHT? How dare I spend only a few hours with her before I’m praying for the sweet hour of bedtime to arrive so I can toss her in the crib and be alone. But it’s true and I’m here to openly admit it. You see, after the novelty of the coming home from work love fest wears off, there comes the time when Eric has to go back to sleep before he has to go to work, Charlotte melts down because dada is gone, I have to make dinner, eat dinner, feed her dinner, give her a bath, etc. etc. etc. This is stressful. And I’m not the type of person who can just ignore everything that needs to be done at home because I only get a few hours with her after work. I can’t do it. I try, but I can’t. Maybe after I turn 30? I don’t know. There’s me trying to eat cold soup while simultaneously getting her to eat something, anything! And also trying to get some quality time in while I see the mounds of crumbs and dirt that have magically accumulated during the day. Then she’s getting tired but also refusing any part of the bed time routine and I just get to the point where I want to lay on the floor full of aforementioned crumbs. And then she goes to bed and it’s sweet, sweet alone time which really just entails cleaning the kitchen, drinking wine out of the bottle because I don’t want to wash another cup, getting all my shit together for the next day, and cleaning up the damn crumbs.
And then I miss her! Because motherhood is crazy like that. But then I go to bed which is also another favorite part of my day because sleep is my drug of choice.
But on the weekends? Well my favorite time of day then is obviously when I put her to bed because I’ve just spent an entire day with a dictator in a diaper.