Can I just say I am soooooooo glad that Charlotte is not at an age where I need to worry about the Elf on the Shelf?  Holy mother of pearl does that little sucker seem like a lot of unnecessary work for parents.  If I’m correct, the elf is supposed to make his or her return the day after Thanksgiving and move every single night to show that he or she is watching the little ones and reporting back to Santa?  So depending on when Thanksgiving falls, that could be every single night for a MONTH that you have to do something with this elf?  In addition to ALL OF THE OTHER THINGS you have to do every night before you pass out from parental exhaustion?  And because some parents are bat shit crazy and make their kids elves do shit like get frozen in a block of ice by Queen Elsa or make a mess with powdered sugar (seriously, why would you make YOUR OWN MESS???) and your kid sees these outrageous displays of Elf antics, you then get guilt tripped into throwing powdered sugar all over your damn house to appease your children?  STOP THE MADNESS. STOP IT NOW.

If the Elf on the Shelf is still a big thing when Charlotte gets older and is Christmas-aware, I’m going to tell her that our house has super, SUPER security and the Elf can’t get in and only Santa can come in or else the house will explode.  I am never in my life doing this shit.  Never.

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