Daylight Savings Time is Coming

I am 99.999% sure daylight savings time was created by someone who hates people who have children.  Adults are pretty used to the clock falling back in November.  We get depressed that it’s basically pitch black out at 4:30 PM, but we have no problem staying in bed until we’re supposed to get up.  So even though the clock says 5 AM and our body knows it’s 6 AM, we will continue to stay in bed, because we are adults and love sleeping.

Kids don’t understand this.  Kids also don’t give a damn.  I googled what to do about toddlers and daylight savings time.  This is what I found:

If your baby is waking too early in the morning…

…..I’m sorry. The time change isn’t going to do you any favors. And let me emphasize that in this case, you definitely don’t want to simply do nothing, as your baby is going to wake close to an hour earlier than usual after the time change. So if your baby is normally up at 5 a.m., you can expect a closer-to-4 a.m. wake-up call. Yikes!

Ummmm, Charlotte has been waking up at 4 AM for like 2 weeks, so does this mean I can expect her shrieks to begin at 3 AM?  Is this punishment for something?  PLEASE GOD HAVE PITY ON MEEEEEEEEE.

The Google told me to start preparing her for daylight savings time before it happens, so I’m supposed to put her to bed an hour later, which I have been doing.  Last night she went to bed at 8:15, the night before she went to bed at 8.  She’s still waking up at 4.  So fuck you Google.

I am preparing myself for this shitstorm of a time change in the best way possible.  By leaving the sleeping terror at my parents tonight and going back to Queens after rush hour traffic is over and sleeping until noon tomorrow.  They have agreed to suffer tonight with her so I can get some rest and not throw myself off of a bridge in a fit of emotional exhaustion.

Screw you, daylight savings time.  Screw you.