Charlie girl, the sleepless wonder, has gone back to her old ways of waking up whenever the hell she wants every night since Saturday.  Last night we had the cries of the forgotten from 1-2:30 AM.  She just sat up in her crib, looking like a creepy ghost in night vision in the baby monitor, crying out and screaming whenever it pleased her.  When she finally went back to sleep she just slumped forward and didn’t even bother to lay down.  The night before it was 11:30.  I’m so tired I forget anything before the last two nights.  Help me Jesus.

I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I will never understand her sleeping habits.  The only issue I find myself facing now is how am I supposed to know when something is actually wrong with her at night vs. when she’s just being her typical sleepless self.  The night she woke up at 11:30 I ran in there and grabbed her because 1) I was in such a deep sleep when she woke me that I couldn’t even process what I was doing and 2) her crying sounded like something was actually wrong, when, of course, nothing was.  So will I ever know if she’s crying because she is sick?  Amazingly, Charlotte has not been sick in a bad way in her entire almost 20 months of life.  She has never had a fever or a virus or a rash.  All she’s had is a little cold and a bacterial infection that came in the form of an ugly pimple.  ****KNOCK ON ALL THE WOOD OF WOODS***  ***KEEP KNOCKING ON THE WOOD***  So am I ever going to know what the difference is between the cry of a fevered child who actually does need me or the cry of someone who just will not be contained in their crib prison no matter what time it is?  This is my current dilemma and what worries me at night when I am awake listening to her bullshit.

I need a nap.  And a drink.  And to stop worrying about things I can’t control.

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