Potty Training

You’re all going to loveeeee this topic.  Let’s talk about pottayyyyyyy trainingggggggg (said in Oprah voice).

Lately, Charlotte announces when she has peed in her diaper.  She grabs her diaper and shouts PEE PEE! and then wants to be changed into a fresh diaper immediately, if not sooner.  I’ve told this to family and friends and they said that maybe Charlotte is ready to start learning about the potty.  I wish there was a different word for this, because potty truly sounds ridiculous.  Let’s call it tinkle training.

Charlotte has this adorable (read: annoying AF) habit of running out of the bathroom ass naked after her bath and peeing immediately.  So, the other night Eric and I decided to put her on the potty to have her pee.  She was not having it.  She started flailing around even though I was holding her and screaming BAD BAD BAD.  I probably should get her a baby sized potty instead of sticking her ass on the giant toilet bowl that she only likes to play in, but I’m a first time mom and I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing 95% of the time.  So, as per usual, Charlotte ran out of the bathroom 2 seconds after I had her on the toilet bowl and promptly peed on the floor.  She looked at it, pointed and shouted MAMA PEEPEE!  And this is when I realized I’m not potty training this kid for another year.

She’s got a diaper rash that won’t go away no matter how many creams and ointments we use, so Eric and I let her stay naked to air it out because we figured she already peed and we were safe.  And that’s when my house got covered in piss.  She literally peed every 30 seconds until we could get a diaper on her (because she likes to fight diapers when she is naked).  I am not even exaggerating.  Every time I would get the Lysol to clean it up she was peeing again.  She peed on the bathroom floor, the hallway floor, the rug in the living room, Eric’s lap and the rug in her room 4 times.  And every time she would look down as she was doing it and point and shout PEE PEE.

And then she shit on the floor, like a dog, and I gave up any and all hope for early potty training.

I hope you all loved reading this post as much as I loved living it.  Kids are great.