Kickin’ the Habit

I took Char for her 18-month visit yesterday at the doctor’s.  It was not the greatest visit, and I don’t want to get too into it because I just get aggravated when I think about it, but the one thing that I will discuss is that I was told it’s time to kick the bottle habit.  Apparently that’s supposed to be done by a year and NO LATER THAN (emphasis added by all the websites and parenting books that discuss this) 18-months.  Char is going to be 19-months in 6 days.  Guess I fucked that up real good.

Now I went ahead and checked out the reasons why we’re supposed to stop the bottle.  Let’s discuss!

1. Weight Gain.  Apparently if your baby is over 12-months and they still use a bottle they’re going to be fatties.  Hooooboy.  She has maybe 3-4 bottles a day, and she only gets the small 5 ounce bottles, not the 8 ounce ones, so fuck off with this fact.  I thought we weren’t supposed to be body shaming nowadays anyway?  And now you’re shaming me with a future of possible obesity because my baby still likes her bottle.
2. Bottle Attachment and Difficulty Sleeping Alone.  Hold on one second while I recover from laughing my ass off.  Literal LMAO right now.  The bottle is not the reason Charlotte is a difficult sleeper.  In fact, this pediatrics website says that the bottle before bed is the reason why kids won’t learn to fall asleep on their own.  Guess what, Dr.?  She doesn’t get the bottle to fall asleep!  She gets the bottle while we watch Shirley Temple videos (SCREEN TIME AHHHHHHHH) or read books BEFORE we brush our teeth and go to bed.  The bottle has never been her sleep issue.  What other reasons do you have?
3. Tooth Decay.  It says sleeping babies have milk “pool in their mouth” which leads to tooth decay.  Yeah well, as I said, Charlotte doesn’t use the bottle to fall asleep.

Maybe there are other reasons why there is so much pressure to stop using a bottle.  Just like there is so much pressure on us to STOP BREASTFEEDING ENTIRELY BECAUSE GOD THE KID IS TOO BIG AND NOW IT’S DISGUSTING (actual words I’ve heard) and I’m just not privy to them at the moment.  The doctor didn’t have any helpful information on how to stop the bottle, she told me to JUST DO IT.  So I got the kid another cup yesterday and gave it to her and she drank from it once and threw it at me this morning when I tried again and screamed for her bottle.  Then I used another cup and she pointed to the kitchen and said “mama ba.”  So I ignored her and waited for the babysitter to come to deal with that shit.  Why is there soooooooooo muchhhhhhhh pressureeeeeeeeee to take away the things that comfort our children because society tells us IT IS TIME.  Look, if you were able to get your kid to stop using a bottle by the time they were 12-months old ON THE DOT, then good on you.  But seriously, if it isn’t fucking up her life completely right now, why is it such a big deal?  The doctor even said how great her teeth were!!!  So if there was an issue with her teeth maybe I’d make this priority numero uno at the moment.  But I’m not going to have anxiety over this and I’m not going to care what anyone says.  My kid likes her milk in a bottle, and likes her water in cups, and that’s how it’s going to be right now.  I’ve got bigger things to worry about, like the fact that she refuses a stroller or a wagon or a shopping cart and I am a prisoner to her demands.

Moral of the story, I don’t judge you for your choices, so don’t judge me for mine.  If she’s 10 years old and is still drinking her milk from a bottle, then you can come to me with some concerns, but to me, right now, SHE IS STILL A BABY.