Remember when I blogged a year ago about how difficult it was with a 6 month old?  And how I was tired and couldn’t wait for her to be able to do things by herself?  Did all you moms of toddlers out there laugh at me?  Did you shake your head at your computer screens and say to yourself, just you wait little mama, just you wait!  Because LORD ALMIGHTY was I complaining about NOTHING.  Sure, I was tired because she slept like an insomniac, and sure, feeding her oatmeal and pureed baby foods was difficult, but now that I am looking back I see how much easier it was compared to the dictator currently living under my roof.  The struggle is so, so real.  I hate feeding her, because she never wants to eat because she’s too busy to sit still for 10 seconds.  Back then, I could put her in a seat and leave her on top of a table and walk away to do WHATEVER I WANTED.  I could clean, watch TV, make dinner, eat that dinner and she would stay in the same spot.  Now, she refuses to go into her high chair to eat anything.  It is like wrestling an alligator.  Back then, I could binge watch a Netflix TV show and just occupy her with her toys.  Now she’s screaming MICKEY MICKEY MICKEY and handing me the remote to watch the same episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse for the billionth time.  “There’s no trouble in a bubble when you’re floating along, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO HEAR THIS GODDAMN SONGGGGGGGG?!?”  Back then, we could put her in the stroller and take beautiful leisurely walks.  Now, she refuses to go into her stroller for even a second, because she wants to walk by herself.  But she won’t hold your hand, oh no sir.  She’s perfectly capable of walking on her own and she wants no help from me.  Except OF COURSE SHE NEEDS HELP because she doesn’t know the difference between a street and a sidewalk and my god this kid is giving me gray hair.  Back then, she babbled and cooed.  Now, she stands by the door and screams GO GO GO and then when we do go, she screams GO GO GO again and where the fuck does this kid thing we are going?  I mean yesterday we left and went to Trader Joes, where she REFUSED to sit in the wagon because god forbid we are held back by straps, and then as we paid she ran to the door and screamed GO GO GO.  Then we went to my grandma’s house where she screamed GO GO GO.  Like where does she think the day is going to end up?  We are going places you beast!  We are constantly going places and yet you want more.  My mom started to call her little Mussolini yesterday and the name fits her perfectly.  And she STILL woke up at 3:15 AM and screamed her head off.  LORD JESUS HEAR MY PRAYER.

Charlotte Shea Schwartz, only child extraordinaire.  Forever and ever.

She starts gymnastics tomorrow.  God help my babysitter, and god help the children in her class.  God help us all.

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