I’ve always loved TV. Eric loves it too. Therefore, we are a screen time household and we don’t care what the haters say. Disney Junior is my lifeline. I spend more time now watching kids shows than I do my own shows, mostly because by the time I put her to bed I just want to go to bed myself, so I don’t think too much about my shows when all I can envision is my sweet, sweet bed. I’ve had some time to really reflect on the shows Charlotte enjoys watching, and I’d like to talk about that today. Because this is what it’s come to people. Discussing children’s programming. I am just that cool.
- We have to start with good old Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. MEESKA, MOUSKA, MICKEYYYYYY MOUSE! You totally have that song stuck in your head now, fellow moms and dads. The music is flowing through your brain and you can’t deny it. Charlie girl loves this show. She screams MIN MIN for both Mickey and Minnie, and it will keep her attention for at least 10 minutes before she wants to do something else, like beat me with a wooden spoon. I don’t particularly sit and watch this show with her, because it’s fucking boring. And when they play the episodes in which Toodles talks, I flip out. Toodles is meant to be silent. I do, however, find myself answering all of the fucking questions Mickey asks. WHICH MOUSKATOOL SHOULD WE USE NOW, KIDS? And I’m answering him. Too bad the mystery mouskatool is never a bottle of vodka sent through the television to ease my pain.
- PJ Masks. ‘CAUSE BEDTIMEEEE IS THE RIGHT TIMEEEE TO FIGHT CRIMEEEEEE! This friggin’ show, man. First of all, where are all of the adults? The only adults you ever see in this show are a random teacher or museum assistant. They are always in a god damn museum. And then after their daily adventures without adults, they don’t go to bed but they go out and fight crime in their pajamas. WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS? This show is always the same every episode. Two of the three PJ Masks crime fighters are doing something great, while one of them needs to learn a lesson. You know what lesson you three need to learn? That SLEEP IS GOOD. Char could be a PJ mask now that I think about it. She’s always hated bedtime. I guess it’s because … BEDTIME, IS THE RIGHT TIME, TO FIGHT CRIME!!! (Sorry.) The villains are weak too. Romeo, Luna Girl and Night Ninja need to up their villainy if you ask me. Char enjoys this show for a time, and I’ll admit it is cute, but it’s not one of my favorites.
- Doc McStuffins. I love this show soooooooo much. There was recently a petition online started by parents to make sure that it gets picked up for another season (it was, hooray!) and I’m so happy about it. Doc McStuffins is a little girl who is a doctor for all of her toys, and it teaches kids medical terms and how to be something other than a Princess. Not that there is anything wrong with being a Princess (because I love Princesses), but like, it’s nice to see an actual job for children that doesn’t revolve around faux royalty. One of these days Charlotte is going to walk up to me and scream STETHOSCOPE and I’ll know it was because of Doc. SEE, TELEVISION IS INFORMATIVE. The songs are also super cute and I don’t hate them as much as the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song.
- Goldie and Bear. Fuck this show. I hate it. Goldie infuriates me. And they are always playing the same damn episodes. If I have to see the Troll Tamer one more time I’m going to start a petition to kill off Goldie and Bear.
- The Lion Guard. UGH MEMORIES EVERY TIME IT COMES ON. This show brings back serious Lion King nostalgia. Charlotte isn’t into this too much yet, but I think it’s because she isn’t old enough for the true Lion Guard effect. I will watch this show even if she’s occupied doing other things because I like it that much. Bunga is the CUTEST. UNBUNGALIEVABLE!
- Sofia the First. I legit watch this show after Charlotte goes to bed. I have no shame. Its even bringing in other Disney princesses that I’ve loved since I was a child, and everyone sings and has grand old times. I have the music on my iPod and I will straight up listen to it even when she isn’t with me. FRIENDSHIP IS THE FORMULAAAA, JUST ME, PLUS YOU, PLUS YOUUUUUUU. And her magic amulet is just something that I covet. Sofia rocks.
- Kate and Mim Mim. This show has replaced Chuggington in the 6 AM hour this summer, and honestly I don’t know which one is worse. I don’t understand this show. I don’t want to try to understand this show. I hate this show. Kate’s voice is like nails on a chalkboard. It’s colorful as fuck though, so points for that I guess.
- Elena of Avalor. This show hasn’t even premiered yet but I AM SO READY. Friday night at 7 PM people. THIS IS MYYYY TIME! You got that right Elena! This is so your time to burst onto the Disney Junior scene and show what a badass princess/warrior you are. Go on with yo’ bad self girl. I’ll be watching with or without my child.
Charlotte watches some other shows too when Eric has her that aren’t on Disney Junior, like Sesame Street (loves) and Pinky Dinky Doo (YESSEROONI, POSITOONEY!) and most likely a ton of other shit I am unaware of, but I’m strictly a Disney Junior mom. We’re going to Disney in November and I’ve booked the Disney Junior character breakfast for all of us to go to and I’m so excited. $100 bucks says Charlotte gives zero fucks and cries when we get there, because she hates all of the nice things to this day.
God, I love television.