Here are just a few of the things I say to Charlotte on a daily basis.

  • “Why are you awake?  The sun isn’t awake.  Nobody is awake but you.”
  • “Good, go back to sleep right before mommy has to wake up to get ready for work.  You’re so considerate.”
  • “Don’t touch that.  Don’t touch that either.  Stop touching that.”
  • “Stop climbing.  The TV unit is not your personal Mt. Everest.  Stop hanging from there.  Don’t bang the cable box.”
  • “Stop throwing the remote.  Take your play remote and throw that.”
  • “Did you just order a movie?  How did you do that? I’ve never seen this TV display before in my life.”
  • “The toilet is not a toy.  Stop trying to climb into the tub.  Stop unrolling the toilet paper.  I’m going to shut the bathroom door from now on!”
  • “Don’t hit mommy.  Don’t hit daddy.  Do nice! DO NICE!!!”
  • “Don’t bite me. DO NICE, CHARLOTTE. DO NICE!”
  • “Please just eat the food, don’t play with the food.  Don’t put the oatmeal in your hair.  Oh great, now I have to wash your hair AGAIN.”
  • “Stay still and let me change you!  TAKE A TOY. TAKE MY PHONE. STOP FLIPPING. YOU NEED A DIAPER. YOU CAN’T BE NAKED!”
  • “Fine, be naked, but please don’t pee on the rug.”
  • “Don’t hang from your dresser.  The dresser is not a jungle gym.”
  • “YOU NEED TO WEAR PANTS AND SOCKS TO GO OUTSIDE.”
  • “DO NICEEEEEEEEEEE TO MOMMY DO NICE!!!”
  • “You are so cute I want to bite you.  But biting is bad, like I told you 100 times before.”
  • “I love you so so so so so so so so sooooooooooo much.”
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