Is it really New Years Eve?  At midnight tonight (good Lord, so many hours from now…) we’ll usher in a brand new year. New Years Eve has always been my least favorite holiday. For some reason I always cry whenever they start the countdown and it makes me sad and weepy. This year I’m feeling even more melancholy. 2015 was, without a doubt, the most profound year of my life. 2015 was the year I lost a part of myself and gained a part of myself. In the early months of the new year I lost my grandpa right before I became a mom, and both events have irrevocably changed me. Saying goodbye to this year is bittersweet. 2016 is a year my grandpa will never see, and it’s the year my baby will turn one. To some it may not sound like such a big deal, but it truly is.  2016 will be Charlotte’s first full year. Every New Years Eve I’ll be saying goodbye to all the things with her I’ll never see again. We started 2015 with a tiny infant with whom I had no idea what to do with, a fresh dose of grief and a new life. 2016 starts with my baby girl who can stand on her own, has an amazing personality and may even start walking soon. What a whirlwind this year has been. I look back on it with tears in my eyes and so much hope for the future. I am blessed to have this life.

I wish you all the happiest and healthiest New Year. Thanks for letting me write down all the joys and pains of motherhood and allowing me a place to just vent, and to know that so many of you are often there with a kind and reassuring word. Let’s see what 2016 brings!

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