Eric: What happened to your butt?  You used to have this big butt like out to here, but now it’s just a firm butt.

Me:  Your daughter ate it off of me.  I’m sure once I stop nursing it will go back to the way it was and be big again.

Eric:  Okay, but like, is the rest of you going to be big too?


Me:  She hasn’t shit all day.

Eric:  I love a good easy pee diaper.  Real quick pee diaper is good, but the poop ones.  NO WAY.


Me:  Isn’t she so cute?  Sometimes I just want to squeeze her.

Eric:  Sometimes I get so hyper when I look at her because she’s so cute that I bite her. I just bite her head.


Eric: Do you know how to do the dab?

Me:  What the fuck is the dab?

Eric: *Imitates a ridiculous dance.*

Me:  I don’t understand how you even hear about this stuff.

Eric:  I have to stay hip with the times.

Me:  But WHERE do you hear about it?  Do you just google “hip dances?”

Eric:  Um, Worldstar Hip Hop.  It’s an app.  The dab is easy, but the kwon is hard.

On Letting Charlotte Cry It Out

Eric:  We have to be strong.  We just have to be strong and do this and she will be better for it.

Me:  Okay, but it’s your turn to go in there and comfort her.

Eric:  But she’s crying and it breaks my heart and I don’t want to go in there.  You go in.

Eric:  I am exhausted.

Me:  Me too.  Me too.

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