Dear Jumpy Cow,

I’d like to take a minute to apologize to you for my daughter’s behavior. When I was pregnant with her and went to make my baby registry and saw you, I knew I had to have you. I thought how cute my little girl would look in you, jumping from the doorway.   You were going to be the best of friends.  I patiently waited until she was 4 months old like the box recommended and set you up. And then this happened. 

I thought maybe she was just too small, so I waited another month to reunite you. At 5 months she refused to even sit. At 6 months she sat and refused to jump. At 7 months I didn’t even try, and at 8 months she wailed again. I put you on the floor of her bedroom, hoping your cute jumpy cow face would tickle her curiosity. 

 Well, fuck. 

So this letter is to you, jumpy cow. I tried my hardest to unite you as friends but I think it’s time to admit defeat. I mean, why would Charlie girl want to play with you when she can scoot over to the TV unit and play with the printer? Or try open the cabinet doors and put her toys inside? Or shove my necklaces into her mouth? Why would she want a nice, safe jumpy cow when there’s so many dangerous things to explore?

I loved you jumpy cow and I promise you won’t go in the trash. You’re off to Charlotte’s cousin Jack’s house where I hope he appreciates the nice things in life. I hope you become best friends. 


Charlotte’s Mama 

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