- All of the nice things. All of them. Toys, pretty clothes, hair bows, jumpy cows, exercise jumpers. Tears shall be shed.
- When I don’t let her eat butt ass naked after a bath. Not sure when she thought this would be appropriate, but our bed time routine is now consistently bath, towel, lay baby on the changing pad on the floor to begin nice and relaxing baby massage, OH WAIT IT’S TIME FOR SCREAMS OF THE DAMNED, FEED ME NOW FEED ME NAKED STOP TRYING TO PUT CLOTHES ON MEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Real fucking relaxing.
- When the milk does not come out of me fast enough. Now that she is using bottles 5 out of 7 days, sometimes the milk does not flow as quickly out of mama as it does the bottle. This causes a dramatic melt down of epic proportions. Kicking, moaning, screaming, squeezing of the boob. It is ridiculous.
- Getting clothes on, period. It doesn’t matter if it’s before bath time after bath time in between the bath times, no matter what if she needs clothes put on her she screams in your face. She could be smiling and laughing her ass off at you but the second you try to put her arms through a onesie it’s game over. I used to get really afraid when I would have to dress her (Eric straight up refused) because she would scream like we broke her arm. Now we both tell her to shush up and laugh.
- Sleeping. Not going to beat a dead horse on this one, but the child hates sleep. Fuck naps, fuck night time sleep, she wants to be awake for all of the things. Most of which are the nice things that she hates.
All kidding aside, I really have one of the happiest babies I have ever met. She’s so good all (most) of the time, that if these are the things I have to deal with and laugh about, then so be it. She’s just the best ever and I’m so glad I’m her mama. I can’t wait to get home from work today and snuggle her up.