I work for a federal judge in a courthouse, which means I work in private chambers and also have access to the courtroom assigned to my judge. Because of this sweet gig, I am able to use the jury room of our courtroom (unless we are on trial, in which case I use a closet off the robing room, or my judges office because she is awesome) to pump. The jury room is sweet because it is equipped with two bathrooms, a large conference table and a fridge. I keep the milk sucking machine set up at all times to cut down on time each time I need to subject myself to that fucking thing. It’s private and sanitary and as wonderful as pumping can be. 

That is, it was, until I failed to realize the door the jurors use to enter the courtroom was unlocked and three high school students walked in on me mid pump. 

You see, a college group was using the courtroom to perform mock trials. I had completely forgotten this was taking place, but I never thought anyone would be going into the jury room. I put on my pumping bra, stuck the machine to my boobs and relaxed as the familiar woosha woosha sounds came on. Five minutes passed and I hear the door handle jiggle. Then I see the door open. And then three girls walk in and GAPE AT ME while I ask them to EXIT THE DOOR IN WHICH THEY CAME. I am not joking when I say these girls stared at me like they not only didn’t speak English but also never met another human life form on earth. Straight up mouths agape and frozen bodies staring.  Then, when I finally get them to leave they leave the door open! And it isn’t like I can get up because I’m strapped to the machine!  The machine that is still MILKING ME. Someone finally closed the door and I learned to lock it forever. 

If turns out the college professor got a group of high school kids to play the jury for their mock trial. They were instructed to go to the jury room as part of the trial and were surprised to find me. These poor kids. Not only did they have to spend part of their summer vacation playing jury, but then they get assaulted by a strangers boobs literally being sucked in to a tube. I probably would have frozen up and stared too. 

Thank goodness they weren’t boys. Lesson learned, lock the damn door when your breasts are out. 

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