by Just because I know you’re all jealous of the bags under my eyes, I’m going to give you some insight into how I’ve gotten them. They’re the latest fashion craze.
6:15: Charlotte gets overly dramatic for no reason at all. She is screaming and crying just because. Gets a bath to calm her crazy ass down.
6:45: Has some milk. Passes out mid-feed. I know this is too early for her to sleep, but I put her to bed anyway. Spend 2 hours doing my own thing and get ready for bed, prepared to wake up at any moment by the little tyrant in the room next door.
9:45: Wake up to screaming. Someone is hungry again or just does not want to be left alone. I bring her to my room to eat some more and put her down in the pack and play next to me because I am so over making the trek to her room 3 times a night and no matter what I do the child still wakes up to eat. She passes out again, as do I.
11:00: Hello mother. You fell asleep again. Let me sing you the song of my people. That song is nonstop wailing until you take me out of this fucking pack and play prison you have put me in. And now that you have pissed me off I’m going to demand food again. I will not rest until I have what I want.
11:20: The tyrant finally goes back to sleep. Spends the next 3 hours moving around nonstop so I can’t even sleep. Why did I bring her back into my room again? Why is this my life? WHY WON’T SHE SLEEP LIKE A BABY SHOULD.
2:45: Hello again mother. I see you’ve noticed your bedroom AC is no longer working. Maybe that is why I woke up once more. Or maybe I woke up because I just peed ALL OVER THE PLACE. Get out of bed and change me. This is how I roll.
3:00: I’ve given up. Eric is on the couch sleeping where it is cooler, Charlotte is in bed with me having a conversation with the ghost that I think lives in my home. I’ve accepted this is my life now.
3:15: Silence. The tyrant sleeps. Good thing I can close my eyes and rest for only two more fucking hours or so before I have to get up again and go to work and be a productive member of society.
6:40: Have fun at work mother. I’ll just stay here in the middle of your bed and cuddle with daddy.
I am this close to losing my mind. Mostly because she slept at my mom’s house on Saturday night and only woke up ONE FUCKING TIME so I know she is completely capable of sleeping. She’s going to go live there if she keeps this shit up. I’m waving the white flag Charlotte. I SURRENDER, I SURRENDER.
The Mommy Minutes 
Leave a Reply