How is it possible that my baby is five months old? It feels like just yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital, but it also feels like she’s been here with us forever. I know that sounds confusing – it feels confusing too. It’s like I forgot what my life was like without her, but it’s only been five short months. In such a small amount of time I’ve gone from the crazy blubbering mess who was afraid to dress my baby for fear of breaking her arms, to pulling a onesie over her screaming head yelling right back at her to “calm down NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO BE NAKED ALL THE TIME YOU NEED TO GET DRESSED.” It feels so surreal and yet every day I love her more and more. What a privilege it is to be a mother!
Charlotte has such a personality. She also has a temper. I love watching her face as she discovers new things for the first time. Last night she came to the Burrito Bar restaurant on Staten Island with my family, and she was absolutely fascinated with the colored flags on the ceiling blowing in the air conditioning. She was just staring at them and making so much noise, like she approved. She smiles at pretty much everyone who looks at her, and she is starting to laugh at a lot more. She also does the most adorable thing when I am holding her and someone tries to make her laugh. She acts all shy and smiles and then puts her face into my neck. I can’t even take it!
This past weekend she also started solids (!!). Saturday night we gave her oatmeal cereal, and while I was prepared for her to spit it out at us or refuse it, she opened her mouth for the spoon and never stopped. She actually started to whine if Eric didn’t get it in her mouth fast enough. I was really hoping the oatmeal would help her sleep longer, but it’s not doing anything of the sort. It’s only been two days though, so I’m holding out hope.
She has yet to roll over, but last night in the crib was the first time she moved to sleep on her side, and ALL NIGHT LONG she kept moving like she was trying to get on her stomach. She also woke up every two damn hours wailing, so I don’t know if her mind was in overdrive to roll or if she was just actually starving (I find that hard to believe, because I GAVE HER OATMEAL), but I had to nurse her or rock her and put her back down and then she would twist her body again. It was a nightmare of a night for me, but I swear when I hold her at night when it’s quiet and she grabs onto my shirt and calms down, it is such a peaceful moment. How can I ever be annoyed that I’m awake when I’m looking down at that face? If she wants her mother or to have a marathon buffet eating session for the whole night, who am I to refuse her? (Let me write a note to remind myself of this when she pulls this stunt again, because I am fucking exhausted.)
She is starting to pull herself up! I think she is going to sit up before she rolls. Part of me thinks she’s never going to roll, and I don’t blame her. Who the hell wants to roll around when you can sit up all by yourself? Rolling takes too much effort if you ask me. I like to prop her up with pillows or put her in her activity jumper and have her look around. I also like doing this because I feel like her head is getting flat and I don’t want her to wear a helmet.
Aside from waking up to eat STILL (beast baby) she has slept in her crib, the crib at my grandma’s house and the pack and play at my mom’s house without any problems. The crib at my grandma’s house was completely foreign to her, and she slept in it from 9 pm to 3 am straight. Yet in her own friggin’ bedroom she wakes up. WHAT IS HAPPENING. She used to scream bloody murder in the pack and play at my mom’s house but last Thursday she went right in after I fed her and she slept just fine. I’m not going to say thank goodness that we jumped over that hurdle because she may decide the crib is the devil’s den tonight and refuse to go in it. You never know with this one. This upcoming Saturday she is having her first overnight sleepover away from me and sleeping at her nonna’s house and I CAN’T WAIT TO HAVE A NIGHT OF UNINTERRUPTED SLEEP (except my boobs will probably wake me up, so who am I kidding).
There is honestly nothing better than being a mother. It’s difficult to put into words how much I love this tiny little human. I look at her and I am just in complete awe that she’s mine. Even the days where I am a zombie and exhausted and need an IV drip of caffeine while at work, I miss her and I can’t wait to get home and hold her close to me and kiss her cheeks. I can’t wait to see what the next month brings.