Well, we did it.  We’ve got two nights under our belt in the crib.  We have not slept through both nights, but at no point did we bring her back into our room to sleep, so I see that as a win.  Saturday night was glorious because Charlotte fell asleep, on her own, at 8:45.  Eric and I then went to sleep at 9:00.  This is our life now.  She kept on sleeping until 1 AM, because HEAVEN FORBID she goes 5 hours anymore.  I am impatiently waiting for the day when she sleeps longer stretches again.  PLEASE COME FASTER.  Anyway, she woke up at 1 and then decided to stay up and scream at us until 3:30.  So that was fun.  We tried the “pick up/put down method” where we would pick her up when she cried and then put her back down right when she stopped.  She did not like this one bit.  I think she figured out what we were doing so she just decided to scream the entire time, but oh well.  Eric finally managed to get her to go back to sleep by sitting in the rocking chair with her, which is not a part of the pick up/put down method and most likely frowned upon in all of the sleep books in America and the world.  BUT she then slept until 6 so WHATEVER.  I now have full fledged bedtime anxiety because I don’t know how she’s going to be or react, so that’s a fun side of motherhood.

Last night she would not go to sleep on her own so I nursed her until she was asleep in my bed.  This is also not recommended in any of the sleep books in America and the world, but I am just not the type of person who can listen to her cry in the crib with the hopes that she will get the picture and pass out.  I wish I could do that, but I don’t have it in me.  She went to sleep at 9, and woke up again at 1.  THIS IS NOT DAY TIME CHARLOTTE.  However, I did get her to go back to sleep after feeding her pretty much within 10 minutes.  But then she decided that 2:45 would be the perfect time to start practicing her screams so I sent Eric in there, but she didn’t want Eric because he doesn’t have milk flowing from his nipples so I had to go feed her again.  She acts like she’s fucking starving when I know she isn’t.  I then put her down awake but drowsy (all the sleep books in America and the world say this, but it’s bullshit, because when you put them down they go from drowsy to GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CRIB awake real fast) but then I held her hand and she fell asleep.  Which would be the cutest thing ever, except I don’t want to be awake at 3 AM holding her hand.  At least I was back in my own bed by 3:10, so she already did better than Saturday night!  Now I have anxiety already for later, and it’s only 9:22 in the morning.

The problem with Charlotte sleeping in her crib is the baby monitor.  I have a love/hate relationship with this baby monitor.  I love it because I can still see her while she’s sleeping, even though that is honestly the creepiest damn thing in the world.  Can you imagine if adults were watched on video monitors while they slept?  It’s like what serial killers do to their kidnapped prisoners before they cut their skin off and wear it. It’s creepy!  But yes, I love that I can still see her and make sure she is alive and breathing and all of that.  I hate it for the exact same reason, because now when she is sleeping I am staring at this fucking monitor making sure her chest is moving and her eyes are closed.  I’m half awake because I am listening for sounds of her being up and ready to rumble.  I am more exhausted now than ever.  Lord above, send me some sleep.  Or free coffee.  One or the other would be just fine.

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