Sophie the Giraffe, or as it is known in its country of origin, Sophie la Girafe, has been an excellent tool for me as a new mother.  This little French rubber piece of shit has taught me that there will be many times I spend a ridiculous amount of money on something for my child that she will have no damn interest in.

This fucking toy is ranked pretty much number 1 in toys for babies.  Every baby loves her.  The Wall Street Journal wrote an article on this teething toy. She is the Queen B of baby toys.  There is some wild statistic out there that there are more Sophie’s sold than babies born.  And here’s the kicker.  Sophie costs $24.99.  WHAT.  At first, I didn’t register for Sophie or keep it on my radar at all.  Then I saw my neighbor’s son with Sophie, and he loved her.  I heard from countless people how Sophie was a game changer.  I needed to get my hands on this French giraffe ASAP.  This is how I justified spending $25 on a fucking teething toy, because it is the holy grail of teething toys.  EVERYONE LOVES SOPHIE.  So I went to Babies R Us and used one of my many gift cards to purchase the most expensive teether in the free world.  I was SO excited to take her out of the box, wash her down and hand her to Charlotte.  I had visions of Charlotte grasping her, working on her fine motor skills, putting her into her mouth and gnawing away.  Sophie was here to become her best friend.  Sophie was here to save the day.

Charlotte does not give ONE SINGLE FUCK about Sophie.  I don’t even think she picked her up the first time I handed her the damn thing.  I’m pretty sure she flicked it away with her hand and completely ignored it.  I chalked it up to Charlotte being shy.  It was like she was on a first date with the thing that would change her little baby life.  She was just waiting for the right time to embrace Sophie and get to know her.  We’ve now had Sophie for 4 fucking weeks and she STILL doesn’t care.  I’ve put the giraffe into her hands myself, she knocks it away.  I’ve stuck the legs and head into her mouth like I’ve seen all the Sophie loving babies do, she ignores me.  So the reality hit me.  I spent $24.99 on a fucking RUBBER GIRAFFE.  Pre-mom me would have scoffed at this.  “Oh, no” I’d say.  “I’d never spend that kind of money on a silly toy.”  Well, I did.  I spent that much money on a toy that every baby in the fucking world loves, except my child.  I bet it won’t be the last time either.  Charlotte prefers to shove her hands into her mouth, and that shit is free.

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