I Miss Sleep

I’ve hit the point in new motherhood where I am questioning whether or not I am doing ANYTHING right.  My lovely child just doesn’t sleep at night like she used to.  I can’t even remember when the problems started, so I don’t know if it’s the dreaded 4 month sleep regression that Google shoves in my face, the fact that I’ve gone back to work, or if I’ve somehow managed to fuck her up and this is my life now.  I remember when she used to sleep from 8-4.  WHY OH WHY WON’T YOU DO THIS CHARLOTTE?!  She’s starting to outgrow the rock and play thing she’s been sleeping in, she screamed her damn head off when I tried to let her sleep in the pack and play in our room, and last night when I attempted her bedtime routine with the crib she would fall asleep, wake up, fall asleep, wake up, until I finally gave up and had her asleep after nursing her around 9 PM, way too late for a baby to be going to sleep.  She then proceeded to wake up MULTIPLE times whining/crying.  Luckily, I rolled over and stuck the pacifier in her mouth every time, and I didn’t have to take her out to feed her until 3 AM, but WHAT. THE. FUCK.  I’m so tired.  I don’t know how to get her to sleep better.  I don’t know where to put her to sleep.  I don’t know anything.  I mean I’m at the point where I may as well just lay her on the floor because nothing I’m doing is working anyway.  Like in the game The Sims, when you didn’t know what to do with the baby you just had to have so you just placed it on the floor and went about your business.  I’m going to just place her on the floor and go about my business.

Can any of you out there give me some advice?  Like, when the hell do I even attempt the crib again?  How did you get your children to sleep?  Will anything EVER GET EASIER?!  Someone just tell me what to do so I don’t have to feel like such a failing mess.  Send help.  And vodka.