When I was a kid it used to feel like Christmas, vacations and my birthday would take 475 million years to arrive. Now that I have a baby it feels like every month is going by in the blink of an eye. I completely forget I was ever even pregnant (didn’t forget the birth though, the hemorrhoids are always there to remind me) and now Charlotte is already 3 months old. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. I only have one month one week and 5 days left of maternity leave (WHYYYYYY) and my baby is getting bigger every second of every day and it’s just going too fast! Like my brother says, I’m gonna close my eyes and she’s going to be 40.
After the second month Charlotte really started to get a personality. And by personality I mean temper. When she doesn’t get her way she looks you straight in the eye and screams. It’s pretty amazing how I’m able to discern her cries now, and what I like to call her “bitch scream” is the easiest one to notice. One day she was hungry and my brother was holding her and she latched onto his nose. She sucked so hard she ended up leaving a mark, but when she realized nothing was coming out of his nose she looked at him and screamed like a banshee as if it was his fault. She is really good at the bitch scream!
She is really such a happy girl. Every morning she wakes up with a smile and it makes my heart explode. We have the same routine every morning, she sits on her lounger on the kitchen counter while I pump and she just squeals and squawks with a smile on her face while I get milked by a machine like a cow. When I go back to work I hope we can still do this after our first feeding, even if I have to wake up at 5 am to do it!
Her sleeping is really amazing. I was afraid since she is breastfed and I read way too much shit on the internet that she would be waking up to eat 4 times a night, but that is not the case! She’s been going to sleep around 9 PM pretty consistently, and she would wake up around 3-3:30 to eat for a little (she dream eats, which is stupid baby talk for she eats while she’s asleep and it’s adorable) and then she wakes up at 6:30. Last night she slept from 9-4:50 and then woke up at 7:45 for good which is just fantastic in my book. I had a good sleep too because I chugged 5 ounces of wine right after she fell asleep and went to bed a little buzzed.
She loves to hold anything and everything, and she is always shoving her hands in her mouth. Yesterday she was holding her dress and shoving that into her mouth, belly out and everything. Then she put 4 fingers in her mouth and gagged herself and got mad and screamed. It’s so funny to me when she gets mad at something she does to herself.
She’s still vomiting all over everything. Her favorite things to vomit on are her father and her nonna. Yesterday Eric had to change his shirt twice and the day before my mom had to change her shirt 3 times. Spit happens.
Three months postpartum and I feel better than ever. I still have some weight to lose but WHATEVER. I walk every day and exercise when I can, even if it’s just a 10 minute arm workout or doing squats while holding the baby. I feel confident with her every day, and I’m just so happy! I feel like I know what she wants when she wants it and I don’t consult Google anymore, which probably wasn’t the smartest place to get information to begin with. I’m starting to get a lot of anxiety about going back to work, but I’ll write about that another time. I hope all you working moms out there will be able to talk me off the ledge. I know there are a lot of you and I’m counting on you all to be a support system! No pressure or anything.
Even if there are just a few of you reading this every day, being able to write about motherhood is such a release for me and I’m so glad I have some of you to bounce off my thoughts and feelings. Every day isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and having a place to vent or cry and have other people to talk to is much easier than googling “why do I have to go back to work will my baby hate me and forget me.” Not that I’ve done that…