It blows my mind that Charlotte has been here for over a month.  It was the longest but fastest month of my life, and now that the one month mark has passed it feels like every month will come just as quickly.  Time, please slow down!  While I am ready to sleep more than 3 hours at a time, I’m not ready for my baby girl to grow up yet.  Just yesterday I had to pack up some of her newborn pajamas and my heart broke a little bit.  She is now in that awkward stage where she doesn’t fit into most newborn clothes, but the 0-3 months stuff is still too big.  I’d like to know who the hell sizes baby clothes.  0-3 months, 3-6 months and 6-9 months?  Do they know babies grow EVERY MONTH?  How does something that supposedly fits at 0 months still fit at 3 months?  BECAUSE IT DOESN’T FIT.  Now that the newborn stuff is too small she’s left swimming in 0-3 onesies and she looks ridiculous.  The poor kid has an emo mohawk as a hairstyle on a daily basis and now she can’t even have clothes that fit her.  I guess it doesn’t matter though since she throws up on everything anyway.  She’s actually throwing up right now as I type this.  I’m watching it slide down her neck rolls.  She is disgusting.  I’ll be back to writing this once I clean her up for the millionth time this morning.

Back to our regularly scheduled blog.

What I’ve noticed this past month is that some days seem to drag on forever, while other days go by in a blur.  When we’re stuck in the house, like yesterday, everything seems so impossible and overwhelming.  She would barely nap yesterday and I felt like I was going to go insane.  Like actually cuckoo for cocoa puffs insane.  Today started to go that route until my mom asked me if I wanted to sleep over tonight, so now that we have plans and somewhere to go, I can handle the day much better.  I actually just got back from taking her out for a walk just to get some fresh air and some exercise.  Charlotte doesn’t want me to have any exercise and to keep the kangaroo pouch that was formerly my stomach, so she screamed and screamed for the entire 10 minutes we were outside.  She scrunched up her face and wailed until she turned magenta.  I thought she was going to actually kill herself, so I raced home.  The SECOND I opened the door to my house, literally the second, not even an exaggeration, she fell asleep.  She’s been out cold now for 20 minutes.  I swear she did it on purpose.

I can’t believe I’ve been a mother for a month.  It feels like my life before never happened and this has been my purpose all along.  I don’t pretend to love every single day and every single minute of my life now, but there is always one part of every day that I am so thankful and feel so blessed.  Actually, there are many parts of every day that I feel this way.  I feel it when I nurse her at 3 o’clock in the morning and her little hands hold onto my nightgown, I feel it when she wakes up for the day and yawns and looks so damn cute that I honestly think there has never been a more beautiful child, I feel it when my husband holds her when she cries and she stares right into his face and calms down.  These are the moments I’m going to remember, not the ones where she manages to spit up down my back so that it somehow slides literally into my pants and down my butt crack.  Although I think that’s an impressive feat, so maybe I will remember that one and tell her when she gets older.  Here’s to another month of motherhood!

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