Who Let Me Have a Baby?

Hello world!  Chances are if you’re reading this right now you clicked on the link on my Facebook page and you already know me, so you’re already well aware that I had a baby 24 days ago and have seen tons of photographs of little miss Charlotte.  However, I used to blog a bit a few years ago back until I ran out of interesting things to say, and now that I have offspring of my own I feel like I have a lot I’d like to say again, and what better way to do that than by blogging once more?  I’d like to use this space as a place to share my experiences as a brand new first time mom – the good, the bad, and everything in between.

So, I had a baby.  I still cannot fathom the fact that I created an actual human being and got her out of my body without dying, let alone the fact that she is almost a month old and I haven’t completely fucked her up.  Yet.  It amazes me that I, the girl who screamed bloody murder when she got stung by a bee, pushed a 6 pound 13 ounce baby out of my VAGINA.  I was never very good with pain and was always afraid of giving birth, but I rocked the shit out of that labor and delivery.  My kid didn’t even have a fucked up head when she arrived into the world and I pushed so hard that I’m pretty sure my ass went inside out at one point.  I apologize now for that image, but if I had to live it you can read about it.  After going through the hell that is labor and delivery I don’t think there is much that is off limits for me anymore.

It’s only been 24 days and I may have very limited experience and knowledge (I can see all of the experienced moms out there reading this and laughing at me right this minute) but it is so true that having a baby is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life so far.  I remember when I was pregnant I would watch TV and a Pampers commercial would come on with a mother holding her baby, rocking peacefully in a chair, both mother and child with a calm look of love on their faces and think to myself “I can’t wait to do that with my baby!”  Fast forward to Charlotte’s arrival, and there has been plenty of rocking going on in the chair, except neither one of us looks peaceful or calm.  There have been many, many crying fits, and most of them have been done by yours truly.  The first week home I’m pretty sure I cried more than Charlotte ever did, and I think perhaps the Pampers commercials should show that side of motherhood in their commercials and keep their peaceful, well rested looking mothers to themselves.  JUST A THOUGHT.  I had the baby blues pretty bad, and that’s a post in and of itself, but now that I’ve come out the other side of the blues I’m finally starting to feel like maybe I can do this mom thing.  I can’t say that we have a routine, but Charlie girl is really a great baby so far and sticks to her own little schedule, and although I’m usually covered in spit up and breast milk, I do find the time every day to take a shower and not launch myself out the window or run into traffic.  So that’s a plus, right?

Right now, as I watch my baby relax in her mamaroo (best baby invention of all time) and find a quiet moment to reflect on the past 24 days, I can’t help but think to myself that maybe we are becoming that mom and baby in the Pampers commercial.  All it takes is a little time and a lot of tears, but eventually you do get there.  I wouldn’t trade this new life I’ve got now for anything in the world.  Not even for a full 8 hours of sleep.